my friend's pop punk song

[irishbasketcase]

this is a song my friend wrote for his band and he wants me to see what you guys think

Sunshine over rain

Teens so vunerable, parents gulable,
they believe anything you say,
talk-shows on the radio,
all of your lost hopes,
have been stolen and swallowedby the screen,

one day it occoured to me that what you see on t.v.
that none of its real and all of it is fake
camoflage the unknown facts
drive them off the tracks
but make sure no-one hears a sound

chorus
sunshine over rain, almost any day
but its not what you deserve,
you deserve the truth,
sunshine over rain almost any day,
but what your given, is not what you need

here it on MTV, oh what a tragedey
brittany married again, thats just great
subtract the comedey,now the storys plain boring
it's got nothing, its not wanted to be heard

chorus x 2

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Pop punk? More like fag ****(er).

[pixiesfanyo]

Pop punk? More like "Worst song I've ever seen written by somebody pretending to be somebody else because the song is so bad. " This song is so bad, if a gay guy wrote it. Half of the homosexual community would turn straight so they wouldn't have to have any connection with the writer.

[irishbasketcase]

i thought it was crap too until i heard his band play it and then i realised it was a very hardcore punk song, i still think its crap, but with the music it sounds ok

[irishbasketcase]

I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

[Accentopus]

I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Take a deep breath and count to 10

[I.might.be.retarded]

i'd claim it was my friends if i were you too...

[irishbasketcase]

its ok for a 10 year old

[Fraggy]

10---- year ---- old?

[Witty Username]

Teens so vunerable, parents gulable,
*gullible

one day it occoured to me that what you see on t.v.
*occurred
that none of its real and all of it is fake
*it's. This line is redundant. Of course everything is fake if nothing is real. Bad line.

camoflage the unknown facts
*camouflage

but its not what you deserve
*it's

but what your given, is not what you need
*you're

here it on MTV, oh what a tragedey
*hear
*tragedy
brittany married again, thats just great
*Britney
*that's
subtract the comedey,now the storys plain boring
*comedy
*story's

it's got nothing, its not wanted to be heard
*has instead of "got"
*it's. The last half is grammatically incorrect as well.


Really, really bad song overall. But keep working on it.

[TrentStevens]

i would expect lots of distortion to cover up the flaws in that song.

[Guitarpunk82]

The simple fact that it got put to music is sad...it needs a lot of work, stop trying to force the rhymes, work on the progressions,...better yet just start over from square one, sorry man.