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ChickenSalad
03-08-2005, 07:20 PM
This is a song about my girlfriend Maeve. Its just random, its not meant to be special, but I enjoyed writting it and want any forthcoming opinion on it?? thanks guys. Crits 4 crit too.

"My Arachnid Lover”

In service of the woman,
With whom I share the bed,
Our fortress, her fortress,
I’ll choose the floor instead.
Vapid sex and kisses raw,
None of which I count in heart,
And on days like this when the rains falls down,
I renegotiate the start.
The start of a road, one not walked for free,
Her body the web, voice the spider,
Arachnid lover now feasts on me?

Spin me around? Eight legged lover.
White strands of love, they taste so true,
In the dead of night we do not waste,
Or am I just being used by you?

My arachnid lover….the spider’s jest,
At how I hold you above the rest.

In the service of a mistress,
Whose advance I do not dread,
Her body, my body,
Id choose another instead!
Raw sex and vapid kisses
None of which could ever last,
And on these nights when she’s not around,
I’ll dream about the past.
The past is where I once walked free,
Where summer days would only last,
Arachnid lover not holding me?

Spin me around eight legged lover.
White strands of love, they taste so true,
In the dead of night we do not waste,
Or am I just being used by you?

My arachnid lover….the spider’s jest,
At how I hold you above the rest.

In the service of a monster,
Whose body I love to taste,
Her face, I face,
With all my time to waste.
Divine sex and forever kisses,
All of these I hold in hand,
And on these nights when we are together,
Above all her beauty, I understand.
Her beauty is where I’m bent and broken,
But for her love, I’ll take that token.

Spin me around eight legged lover.
White strands of love, they taste so true,
In the dead of night we do not waste,
Or am I just being used by you?

My arachnid lover….the spider’s jest,
At how I hold you above the rest.

weazel357
03-09-2005, 01:12 AM
arachnids have eight legs... or did you do that on purpose?

The_One
03-09-2005, 03:08 AM
I kinda liked it. Pretty interesting. Good job, I say.

8/10

Corupt2057
03-09-2005, 09:42 AM
your rhyme scheme is really throwing stuff off it's just too stretched out and close together at times it trips everything up
I like the theme idea but I think alot of this needs to be re-worded because there are just too many forced rhymes in here
besides that you can definitely feel the sexyness off this I thought it was weird.. but hey good job atleast I felt something rather than nothing ;-)