Married my friend

[schmitthead]

Alright guys and gals, this is the first song I have put on this site and I am looking forward to some criting. I have never crited any work but I will try to if that what it takes. Well here it goes!!!


Married my friend


DRUNK THAT NIGHT
COULD’VE BEEN ALRIGHT
MINOR MISCONCEPTION
MAJOR OVERSIGHT

FRIENDS CANT BE LOVERS
THOUGHTS FROM UNDER THE COVERS
BEEN TO LONG TO CARE
NO LONGER NEED WHAT SHE OFFERS

(CHORUS)
IS THE GIFT YOU GAVE WORTH MY……
HAPPINESS SHOULDN’T BE SO HARD TO COME BY………
NOW, BYE LATER, **** IT I DON’T CARE……
WHATEVER…….

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE
THESE PATHS SO UNCLEAR
‘BOUT TO THROW IN THE TOWEL
YOU DID IT AGAIN MY DEAR

(CHORUS)
Married my friend

[no_speech]

don't like the rhymes anywhere in this piece, it seems forced, and err.. cliche.. also the words ur using and stuff, don't like it.. sorry..

[schmitthead]

cool man, I appreciate your honesty!!
schmizzle

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Here's the impression I got from the song, of course I might be wrong, so correct me if I am:

HEY I'M TYPING IN CAPS I MAKES ME LOOK LIKE IM TALKING REALLY LOUD OR SOMETHING, DOES ANYONE LIKE THIS YET? HOW ABOUT MY ANGSTY CHORUS? COOL HUH? OKAY I THINK I HAVE TO END THE SONG THOUGH, BUT HOW DO I DO IT? OH YEAH, MAYBE I'LL USE THE TITLE THAT DOESN'T EVEN RELATE, THAT SHOULD WORK. DID I MENTION I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS? BYE NOW!

[heartfeltapology1]

its pretty cool- like the title... and the thoughts from under the covers was nice.

XOXbangbangyourdeadXOX
lixxx
liz

[--Attaboy_Skip--]

This song is not that bad. I agree that the rhymes were forced and somewhat clichéd. I also don't care much for the cursing, I don't think that swearing has a place in songs and such. But good job nonetheless. 6/10

PS Could you crit my song, Father Monty, I'd greatly appreciate it.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=306082

Thanks.