Canvas of a Crucifix

[Society Sellout]

So I haven't posted here in a long time. I thought I'd drop a song by and see what everyone thought, I'll crit anyone who is willing to do a full crit on mine.

Oh and just a note: This is not about the tsunami disaster as you might initially think.

Canvas of a Crucifix

A tsunami destroyed the village
leaving dead houses as corpses
Then the sirens sounded
the sirens sounded
to warn the ghosts
that their bodies are leaving
Then it began to rain

Detailed picture of you in mind
but my brush missed the page
Ink spilled across your eyes
Black and became eternally blind
crucifix blood rains on dry paint
runs off the canvas into another image

Hands are spinning and counting
to the time before late (Before it’s too late)
A picture hangs on the hospital wall
a painting of destined fate (Before it’s too late)
Bleeding prayers by your bedside
Spare this one, Spare this one (Before it’s too late)
Show us the beating clock

Detailed picture of you in mind
but my brush missed the page
Ink spilled across your eyes
Black and became eternally blind
crucifix blood rains on dry paint
runs off the canvas into another image

[Sloth]

I love the idea of the ink spilling and blood falling onto another image...

I really don't like the first stanza...major asia tsunami reference...I hate blatantly writing about such concrete ideas in abstarct art (poetry/lyrics)..

anyways, I'm surprised I'm the first to crit, considering I'm never around here..
it's a lot better than what I see on here now-a-days..
so props for that

[Society Sellout]

Wow... I totally forgot I had put this up until like 2 days ago when I decided to go digging for it.

Anyways, Sloth thx for the words. I wasn't trying to make any refrence between the current events at all, it's really a very abstract metaphore for a close friend who suddenly died and the person never got to tell this friend certain things.

So yeah, anymore?

[Society Sellout]

Hmm... ok so I'm going to bump this because it only got 2 more views last time.