Perfect Puzzle (Explored You)

[ChickenSalad]

Havent posted in a while, had to sort the world out. It all came to a climax one night, and this poem is my thoughts on it. Its strange, its just very honest, I like it but am not sure what you will think of it. Crit 4 crit here guys okay? Thanks.


Perfect Puzzle (Explored You)

The puzzle I could never solve,
I'd seen it solved but never could
find one of my very own,
to join the dots and see what fits,
But then one night you say to me
that a puzzle i can solve you found?
But what I found I did not find puzzling?
but beautiful in a form profound.

A puzzle that is soft to touch,
velvet feel with the warmth of heart,
the puzzles shape was always puzzling,
or so I found it at the start.
This puzzle that I then did have,
Id dreamed of on so many nights,
now before me in all its glory,
for me only, left to solve.

Felt your blind eyes, I found the pieces,
together we could make them fit.
In the heat of the moment we were
not puzzled, by the beauty of the thing.
For an age I worked on your perfect puzzle,
exploring what I dreamed to explore,
"Do whatever you want to me", I heard it whisper.
In my mind Ill hear it, forever more.

[Corupt2057]

this metaphor theme completely and entirely sucked
a woman is puzzling yes but to relate to her as a puzzle is gay maybe you can pull it off with some intellect behind it but I don't see any here so this needs to be re-worked and re-thought or just thrown in the trash
you use too many of the same words
puzzle, puzzling, ok I think we get the point
the rhymes that you did have in here were predictable and are always overused for example: heart, start, part, apart those words are always used with one another to make a rhyme break the trend and use some creativity

"the puzzles shape was always puzzling,"
"exploring what I dreamed to explore,"
these lines scream I'm ****ing retarded
you can't say that crap man
a puzzle is puzzling its kind of self-explanatory.. duh

sorry to be an @ss I'm usually not like this but this is the lamest piece I'm seen come through here in awhile besides those dumb @ss people that post crap for the hell of it

[NarrowDoctor]

Decent start but getting worse towards the end. The word 'puzzle' is SO overused, I think I'll dream of puzzles this night because of this... Puzzle.. one idea not too 'wide', why is it so long? Or express some more ideas with the main one and write a good piece, otherwise it's no that - not so interesting to read some 20 lines about the same thing.

the puzzles shape was always puzzling - this line is so cheap! Some originality in here maybe? Write puzzle in thesaurus and get the synonyms. Looks like you didn't read the written down...

Rewrite it... And think.

[Corupt2057]

"Brilliance is a Habit"

looks like you broke that habit lmao

[GreenDayLova89]

[QUOTE=NarrowDoctor]the puzzles shape was always puzzling[QUOTE]

that line was strange! you overused the word puzzle way too much it started off good but you kinda got lost toward the end if you thought about it and rewrote it without using too many of the same words i think it wouldn't be that bad 6/10

[i_mine_cor]

After reading your introduction I thought this would be a very profound piece on the way the world works and the meaning of life etc. and then the second verse comes around and I find it's about a girl. Maybe you've decided that love is the meaning of life, but some of us *have* figured out women, believe it or not, and we don't want to spend the rest of our lives trying to put them together. Unless, by put them together I mean hook up with lesbians. Anyway, the song itself needs work, expand the puzzle metaphor to include more subjects or narrow it to a single verse and then use something else to compare girls to. Good luck.