Take Me Away.....

[empty_inside-]

Take Me Away

Walking through the graves
I see my friends fading away
Gone forever in this time
Left nothing behind
I walk here all alone
No one here but me alone
Sad and lonely
It seems they have forgotten me
I talk but no one’s listening
I’m just my only friend

So I see a white light
Shining oh so bright
Above me
I can see
Angels flying happily
And it’s where I want to be

Take me away
From here this lonely place
Got no memories
Don’t have anything
Take me away
Take my broken face
Afar from this place
Make the pain go away

Walking through as a ghost
Nobody knows
Love was once a friend
Ripped my heart up in the end
Gaze up at the stars
Just to see what was once in my heart
Now all has went and gone
Everything I had is all gone

So I see a white light
Shining oh so bright
Above me
I can see
Angels flying happily
And it’s where I want to be

Take me away
From here this lonely place
Got no memories
Don’t have anything
Take me away
Take my broken face
Afar from this place
Make the pain go away

[Guitar247]

This song isnt too bad. When reading it, a few of your lines didnt make sense to me, it seemed like you just put them in there because it rymed with the line before it. I really liked the 1st stanza, however, you ended 2 lines in a row with "alone" and it usually sounds weird when 2 lines in a row have the same ending. The line "I'm just my only friend isnt too great, and it doesnt seem to flow to well. At the very beginning you mentioned "graves", so maybe tie those 1st and last lines together. EX. "the pictures on the graves are all thats left" thats not too good of an example, but the final line of that stanza could be somethin like that

The next stanza, is not all that great. None of it is origal "bright white light" angels flying above"...thats all stuff weve heard before.

I dont really have any comments on the 3rd one. it was ok

I liked the forth stanza. The only thing i wasnt sure about was "Gaze up at the stars
Just to see what was once in my heart" that doesnt really make sense to me, but if you understand what it means, thats really all that matters.

Overall i thought it was pretty good, maybe a little above average. There were no linese in it that really jumped out at me, but it wasnt bad. I just started writing song, and just started commin to the forum, so i hope this helped. I just posted the 2nd song ive writtin, its called "Scatter the Shadows" if ya have some time crit that one.

[empty_inside-]

thanks for the crit....i'll be sure to crit yours

[empty_inside-]

Take Me Away

Walking through the graves
I see my friends fading away
Gone forever in this time
Left nothing behind
I walk here all alone
No one here but me alone
Sad and lonely
It seems they have forgotten me
I talk but no one’s listening
I am now nothing

So I see a white sky
Shining oh so bright
Above me
I can see
No misery
And it’s where I want to be

Take me away
From here this lonely place
Got no memories
Don’t have anything
Take me away
Take my broken face
Afar from this place
Make the pain go away

Walking through as a ghost
Nobody knows
Love was once a friend
Ripped my heart up in the end
Gaze up at the stars
Just to see what was once in my heart
Those memories had faded
It all has went and gone
And now I’m all alone

So I see a white sky
Shining oh so bright
Above me
I can see
No misery
And it’s where I want to be