two sets of lyrics i wrote

[megan bacon]

hey! i'm new on here, so these are the first lyrics i'v posted. what do you all think?

‘Limits’

Light never changes to dark
Its just hidden by ourself
Even if its trapped in a room
It just goes somewhere else

Like when you see a car go by
Coming towards you
Your position has changed
Then its gone
And now that it’s long gone
You are exactly the same

You sure haven’t gone
Cos life changes not you
Now is the one time anything happens
And life changes not you

I’m doubting what it means
To be here by going away
Only when limits are set
Can we go all the way

What you’re looking at can be what you’ve seen
Where you’re going can be where you’ve been
Silence on the ground sounds the same in the sky
But now will never be a different moment in time

Life changes not you
And life changes not you
And only once limits are set
Can we get to the end.



‘chances’

Theres more in what seems empty
Than what seems entire
A flame put out grows bigger
Than a sheltered fire

Instead of burning slowly
He joins to all as one
If your plan was to fade away
Your chance has gone

I tried
You know I tried this time
You know I tried to
Step back and see another side
See the other side

Put up with fate
It’s the only lift you got
draw on these chances
you’ll get what you want

I tried
And I tried
So I tried
But I tried





well? don't worry bout critisising me! i'm used to it, lol! :p

[UnDeRoAtHfAn777]

‘Limits’
Light never changes to dark
Its just hidden by ourself
Even if its trapped in a room
It just goes somewhere else
The opening 2 lines were really good and peaked my interest but the 3rd and 4th could have been better(a bit anticlimatic w/your theory)
Like when you see a car go by
Coming towards you
Your position has changed
Then its gone
And now that it’s long gone
You are exactly the same
Don't put "like" at the beginning of this verse and it is really good
You sure haven’t gone
Cos life changes not you
Now is the one time anything happens
And life changes not you
I like this; I like how you repeat the 2nd line but not right away
I’m doubting what it means
To be here by going away
Only when limits are set
Can we go all the way
I don't really understand this verse, mostly the first two lines
What you’re looking at can be what you’ve seen
Where you’re going can be where you’ve been
Silence on the ground sounds the same in the sky
But now will never be a different moment in time
Excellent verse; nothign wrong here
Life changes not you
And life changes not you
And only once limits are set
Can we get to the end.
I don't particularly like the repetition at the beginning of the verse but it is a good ending verse

Really good song; some weak spots could use a little revision but overall it was a solid 9/10

‘chances’
Theres more in what seems empty
Than what seems entire
A flame put out grows bigger
Than a sheltered fire
Pretty good opening; not sure if I like the rhyme but its not that bad
Instead of burning slowly
He joins to all as one
If your plan was to fade away
Your chance has gone
Nice verse; good transition from the fire to the person
I tried
You know I tried this time
You know I tried to
Step back and see another side
See the other side
I don't like all the repetition; it is just kinda overwhelming and doesn't sound too good
Put up with fate
It’s the only lift you got
draw on these chances
you’ll get what you want
Not horrible but not your best
I tried
And I tried
So I tried
But I tried
I can't decide whether or not I like this one; I'll let you be the judge of whether or not it fits well

I liked the first song better but this one was a good song 8/10

[i_mine_cor]

The first song is mediocre. None of the lines were particularly strong, not an interesting way of saying what was an interesting message. "it's just hidden by ourself" ourself is the wrong word to use there. The repitition was ok in some spots but in others I thought "who would do that?". Definitely lose that last stanza in the song. In fact, ditch the last stanzas in both songs. The first song has nothing in it that appeals to me other than the message; it was like talking vaguely in small broken sentences, about a vague topic. 3/10

The first four lines in chances are good, but ending with the sheltered fire focuses on the wrong end of the analogy. I like the rhyme but I wish it had ended on the 'flame put out'. Second stanza is good. As far as words go, too much repitition in the third, but in a song it might be ok. The fourth section isn't very good, that last line needs to go. Also, this song never finishes the idea of your taking those chances and the stanza about seeing the other side makes no sense to the reader in the context of a 'carpe diem' theme. The final stanza, outside of sucking, takes the song on a completely wrong turn by ending on "but I tried". I thought the point was to take those chances and see what hand you're dealt, not to try to contest fate and see the other side and say 'but...', leaving the song on a conquered note. 3.5/10. better than the first one.

Disclaimer: None of my critiques should be considered attacks on the artist unless I make it blatantly clear that I am doing so.

[megan bacon]

thanks you two for the crit. i will find it useful i'm sure.
'i'm doubting what it means to be here by going away' means the feeling of someone who you've just lost but is not actually gone. the realisation that it IS only a feeling.
'only once limits are set can we go all the way' means how can you reach the end when you don't know when or where the end is? just because someone has died, how do we know they have reached the end? guess you've realised this is about one of my mates dying at 16.

thanks again for the help.

[theredwonder]

ATTN: You can only post one song at a time, and only one every 24 hours. Also it's courteous to have only one song on the first page at a time, although not complusory as it's not always under your control.

Read the rules. :)

[megan bacon]

sorry but that was the first time i'v ever posted on this site, so please forgive me for insulting you so much. i didn't mean to hurt your feelings. i can't put into words how awful i feel. oh yeah by the way did you have anything to say about the lyrics cos thats what this section is for, fag.

[GreenDayLova89]

ok the first song: i liked. i would change change the part like when a car goes by. it didn't make sense to me

Second song: it started off good but it got boring toward the end and it was kinda short (no offence)

crit my song "delusional"

[theredwonder]

Sorry for explaining the rules instead of flaming you. Next time remind me to just call you a "fag" and be done with it.

As for the lyrics, i only bother critting songs that really strike me as special. The writing here wasn't bad but i'm not in the mood for doing a full crit, especially since you acted like such a prick when i gave you advice on the rules. I don't think you'll take well to criticism.

[metaliq]

Both suck untill you post them seperately.

Good luck with that.

[metaliq]

Also, I forgot to mention. They will probably suck after you post them seperately as well. The rules dictate such things like this, I am sorry.

*high fives theredwonder*.

[megan bacon]

cheers greendaylova for that. i understand why the don't make sense to you though

[theredwonder]

*smack*

Shikah!

/hijacked

[megan bacon]

what?!

[metaliq]

"You have 656 Reputation points."

:thumb: Reddy.

[megan bacon]

what?!

[megan bacon]

you'r ***** is glued to a building on fire

[theredwonder]

Oh **** not my *****! Important part of the anatomy i hear.


Metaliq :D Just you wait until i've spread my rep around again

[megan bacon]

bet u don't even know what a ***** is

[i_mine_cor]

I'm duly unimpressed with this reply. You came up with that 8 hours after he posted, when I've heard 3 year-olds come up with replies just as witty within seconds of being instigated. Look at his post count and date of joining, megan. He's been online for six months, of course he's going to know what a ***** is. It's only logical (no offense red). Originally, the thought of anything glued to a burning building made me smile but this... this is sad. Go home megan. Go home.

[megan bacon]

my names not megan and unlike you sad ****s i'm not on this site every ****in hour of my day. i have a life. who asked u anyway. one question; how often do you have arguments with 3 year olds heated enough for them to reply like that. find it stimulating?

[megan bacon]

i mine cor; i just read your crit of the song. seems like you have a few good points. the last song dus actually, like you sed, contradict itself. oh yeah, listen to 'niandra lades and usually just a T-shirt' track 9. swear it's written about you.

[megan bacon]

'chances' is a conversation

[i_mine_cor]

If you had ever met a 3 year-old you might ask something like "where are your parents" out of concern, only to be interrupted with a "Ibetyoudon'tevenknowwhatparentsare!", a kick in the shins, and the sound of tiny feet running away. And yes, deep down inside I find it horribly stimulating.

Who asked me you say? Well, being a member of this forum that logs on and actually critiques peoples' works whether I'm posting a song of my own or not *ahem*, I have a right to tell you to grow the **** up and post the songs in seperate threads a day apart. So if I feel like I need to involve myself I will.

And in reference to your name: I checked your profile before I replied to make sure I wouldn't be ripping on someone with a mental handicap and I couldn't find any information at all. So what identification have you given us? I thought megan would be preferred to 'bacon', a less elegant though more intimate alias. My apologies, I was mistaken.
Later bacon.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

So who the **** is Megan Bacon anyway?

I'd be ashamed to have my name associated with such white trash. Even if this is just a forum.

[megan bacon]

funny bastard. i id ask you're opinion of the lyrics by posting them here, you're correct. you posted your crit, which, believe it or not i appreciated. then you got involved in a little kerfuffle me and theredwonder were participating in. actually i do have a slight mental handicap. therefore i didnt find that at all funny. and do you actually think you are 'ripping' me. *ahem* what are you insinuating by that?

[Permanent Solution]

funny bastard. i id ask you're opinion of the lyrics by posting them here, you're correct. you posted your crit, which, believe it or not i appreciated. then you got involved in a little kerfuffle me and theredwonder were participating in. actually i do have a slight mental handicap. therefore i didnt find that at all funny. and do you actually think you are 'ripping' me. *ahem* what are you insinuating by that?
Stop playing for sympathy from him, you won't get any.

[megan bacon]

don't be shy

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Well, now it's only honest to call you a ****ing retard. I do think it's funny you have a mental handicap and would prefer to argue with people whos IQ is twice that of yours rather than just accept that you were a pretentious asshole. You'd probably be much more efficient delivering take out food... or washing dishes. The world is a cruel place and this forum is no exception, so with all do respect, blow me.

[Permanent Solution]

*due

[matt10lightning]

**** megan bacon half your posts are in this thread..yea you need to read the rules on posting one song a day.cuz i did the same thing and got yelled at too..but o well...the writting was not awful but not great some of it was kinda forced and i didnt really like the repetition...overall 6.5/10

[metaliq]

I cant wait red ^^.

Me wantses starz!!!!1

[metaliq]

Also, I agree with my buddies on the whole conversation.

West side homeskillets!

[theredwonder]

then you got involved in a little kerfuffle me and theredwonder were participating in.

Schweet we're having a kerfuffle? I look forward to the biscuits.

But seriously you're taking every opportunity to "insult" me when all i did was explain the rules. I gave you my comment on the song, what the hell do you want from me now? A hug and a kiss to make it all better? **** you.

[Flinflon]

The first song has a very interesting topic and message in it. I thoroughly enjoyed the content. However, at a couple points I found that there may have been words that were wasted or not appropriate to the depth of what you were conveying. "It just goes somewhere else" at the end of the first stanza does not do justice to how well the first three lines are put together. That first stanza is brilliant save the last line.

The world "Like" at the start of the second chorus doesn't seem necessary, mind you I don't know the flow of the song as I've never heard, I thought I'd mention that. The rest of the poem is solid and well put together in my view. 8.5/10 for the first one.

I really can't find fault with the second poem at any point. I imagine the last stanza as the chorus. It's catchy and sometimes that's all you need. 9/10. Good work, and I hope to read more solid posts from you fellow newcomer.