Black & White (Crit 4 Crit)

[GreenDayFrk88]

(Verse 1)

Another night
Of endless fights
I sit im my room and hear them scream
Something they didn't mean
I can't do anything to end this
and it's something that i must live with
being thirteen is a tough time
always being at the end of the line
and never being able to help
just being by my lonesome self

(Chorus)

Everything is black and white
just like the old days
Mom and dad always fighting
yelling things they didnt mean to say
I wonder if anything will ever be the same
but nothing is gonna change
at least not today

(Verse 2)

Feeling like I want to leave
Wishing that they could just see
That no one likes it this way
I wish we could remember the days
When we were together
Maybe then things would get better
But that may never happen
And this family will keep trippin

(Repeat Chorus)

[barclay]

I don't know. I'm a little unbaised about this one. I like the plot, however the line "being thirteen is a tough time" just makes me laugh. Pretty good overall.

[GreenDayFrk88]

thnx for the crit i apprecieted

[GreenDayFrk88]

appriciate it*

[barclay]

No problem.

[russdvdsn]

after reading it it reminds me alot of wonderful by everclear,, yeah anyways, it was good ,,your rhyming at sometimes seems forced,, but some lines i really liked,, such as

yelling things they didnt mean to say

but also for the few good ones you have some downsides,,, it doesnt seem to flow,, or at least when i read it,, and some lines,, like the tough time,, 13,, i dont know iam not even going to copy and paste it barclay already said it was strange,,, but yeah overall,,,, hmmm,,, 7/10,

[GreenDayFrk88]

Thanks any more crits???

[matt10lightning]

good job..you really portrayed the emotions well..u culd use better vocabulary to spice up ur writing...

OVERALL *7/10*

[GreenDayFrk88]

any more??

[i_mine_cor]

Rather bland, overall. "I wonder if anything will ever be the same but nothing is gonna change" This line is amazingly thoughtless. A complete contradiction. But otherwise, nothing stands out here and though it may be good in some context, I've definitely seen better on these boards. You could write another song on the same theme and make it... well, better. At least it had flow. 3/10.

[GreenDayFrk88]

any more