Waiting For You(Crit4Crit)

[GreenDayFan11]

You were at your house the other day
But i haven't seen you in a month
Its now June from May
Where have you been since last month?
I feel like an outcast
always comming in last and..

(Chorus)

Im still waiting for you
but where have you gone
I'm still waiting for you
and its been so long

(Verse 2)

So i must wonder if you'll ever be here
Then I drop to the ground and shed a tear
after i read the newspaper today
skimmed through the obitchuaries
and i saw your name
it comes as a shock to me
something i cannot believe
Now i need someone more than ever
Because nothing is getting any better

(Repeat Chorus)


One of my first songs so give me some advice and tell me if u like it!!

[jmusic4every]

Something Don't Seem Right About This Song....5/10

[CcD]

You were at your house the other day
But i haven't seen you in a month
Its now June from May
Where have you been since last month?
I feel like an outcast
always comming in last and..

So you claim you knew the person was at thier house the other day, yet you had not seen them in a month? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You rhymed month with month; but that is understandable considering there really ins't anything else that would rhyme, but I think you should just try and rewrite that line so it doesn't sound redundant.

(Chorus)

Im still waiting for you
but where have you gone
I'm still waiting for you
and its been so long

Very cliche. I wonder if songs like these have any personal meaning or attatchments, or if they are really fabricated emotions.

(Verse 2)

So i must wonder if you'll ever be here
Then I drop to the ground and shed a tear
after i read the newspaper today
skimmed through the obitchuaries
and i saw your name
it comes as a shock to me
something i cannot believe
Now i need someone more than ever
Because nothing is getting any better

Strange rhyming scheme at the beginning but it's not too bad. Well overall this is another cliched, shallow song. I'm really dissapointed with the lack of creativity that beginner song writers show, but I suppose these are the steps you must take to becoming a really great lyricist. Nothing too impressive here at all: 3/10 because it was one of your first.