Exotic Girl

[GreenDayFrk88]

(Verse 1)

I met this girl the other day
She's unusal in many different ways
She come's from a place that's way down under
she's the worlds biggest wonder

She walks down the street and people stare
It seems that she doesnt care
cause she's got....

(Chorus)

Bright blue eyes
like diamonds from the sky
A beatiful smile
that comes from the wild
She's got pink hair with many lovely curls
and she's my one exotic girl

(Verse 2)

The other day we said goodbye
She was gone in the blink of an eye
I cant do anything anymore
Ever since she left my door

Im all alone now
got nothing to do
except walk around in theese crummy shoes
without the girl with....

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)

Have you ever felt all alone
Walkin around like no ones home
Well i know how it feels
and i wish it wasn't real
I lost the girl with....

(Repeat Chorus)

[Mine]

It's slightly cliché in my opinion. It would make a lot of sense if this song was one of your first attemps at songwriting.

"The other day we said goodbye
She was gone in the blink of an eye
I cant do anything anymore
Ever since she left my door"

This stanza contains the "heard it all before" lyrics and forced rhyming. I can't provide much help in improving this particlar song, as I think you should just keep writing new lyrics. I'll give it a 4/10 for the attempt.

[GreenDayFrk88]

thnx this was just a song i found that i wrote about a year ago and i wanted to see what people thought of it when i first started writing. Thnx for the review though

[GreenDayFrk88]

anymore crits... i could use em!!

[Biancazzurri]

i actually liked it, it's punk! as i read the music also was in my head that could fit it, the chorus especially, well the rhymes really forced

[Kage]

I don't like it. Too literal for my tastes. Also, a lot of the rhyming seemed force. It's overused and cliched.

[the next big thing]

I agree

Cliche and a bit cheesy

But alright for a pop-punk song

[ABulldog]

Some of the lines seem like they were taken from other songs.

Like:

she comes from a place way down under
sounds like
she comes from a land down under, which is from an 80's band, Culture Club? I forget who.

Diamonds from the sky reminds me of lucy in the sky with diamonds.

the only thing I liked was the title. Since you wrote it a year ago I would have to suggest a re-write.