Irreality

[bassaholica2004]

Haven't posted in a while, mainly because things have been going on around here and I haven't had the time. This is my latest song, and its about how people feel the need to belive in something, and follow blindly and often ignorantly to many things, namely religion. There's 2 different parts, the first is questioning the validity of someone else, the second is questioning the validity of myself. Anywayz, ya'll know the drill: crit and leave a link and I'll crit yours.

By the way, I have no idea why its called Irreality, and I know its not a word. :D



How do you know what I don't?
Do you breathe the air I speak?
Syphon syllables from my mind,
And deliver them to the weak?

How do I know you're different,
A god leading the blind?
A mental messiah of sorts,
Or a demon decaying the mind?

Why should I listen to your thoughts,
This truth you so belive?
Words of mind and truth and lies,
Or thoughts made to decieve?

How do you know what I don't?
That you breathe the air I speak?
Forming syllables in your mind,
And spreading the mindless weak?

A human form of divinity
The silent movement of blasphemy.

How do I know what you don't?
Do I breathe the air you take?
Feed it to your fragile mind,
And ride the destruction in its wake?

How do I know that I am different,
A man among the sheep?
Delve the world into blasphemy,
To wander alone and to weep.

Why do you listen to my thoughts,
This truth I so belive?
My ideas of mind, truth and lies,
And the darkness you receive?

Why do I know what you don't?
That I am destined to die?
A god among men or a man among sheep,
It is so very easy to lie.

A human form of divinity
The silent movement of blasphemy.

The blind leading the weak
Corruption of the thoughts we speak.

[estel]

Cool - that's all I can say. Well, actually I will say more.

The rhymes are great, not too forced, and work brilliantly.
Like the other piece of yours I've read (Only a God) this one's deep, and seems to have very strong religious tones. IT almost seems to me to be from the perspective of a priest/Pope or other leader. The two parts are good - they're closely linked thematically and lyrically. The only criticism may be that they're too closely linked, and the two parts are very similar. I realise this would have been intentional, but all the same, it's borderline as to whether or not it's too repetitive - I'm torn as to whether or not I think it needs changing.

Anyways- great stuff again. 9/10 (nobody's perfect)

[maggotfelon]

"And blinding the broken weak?" - I didn't the "broken weak". You could probably do better than that.

"A god among men or a man among sheep," - I LOVE this sh.it right here muthafvcka.

I like the shifting viewpoints too. It's definately good. One of the best I've read on here. 9/10 easy if you change that "broken weak"... that really irritated me. The rest is probably fine the way it is.

Check this out for me man:
Anzu
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=6556887#post6556887

[GreenDayFrk88]

Awesome song i was speechless after reading it.. That was probably the best i've seen on here great job man. 9.5/10

[bassaholica2004]

Wow, thanks guys. To Estel- I see what you mean by how it can seem repetetive with the two viewpoints, but the music will be different, and I'm hoping for it to bring a new edge or something.

To Maggot- yeah, I definetely need to change that part. I wrote it in a hurry cuz it was late last night and I didn't have all the time I wanted. I'll change it though.

Greenday- thanks, though I think I've written better. Thanks nonetheless though.

[barclay]

That's cool. I like your choice of words, really descriptive. One thing I don't really like is the title. I think something like "Journey of Impiety" or something like that sounds better, but it is your song. It's still pretty good. Think you could check mine out: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=298773

[maggotfelon]

PLEASE! Return favor. I don't wanna be a D I C K but I like your style, it's probably the closest to mine on here so I'd appreciate you checking out the link I left in my last post.

[matt10lightning]

Thats Great SONG..The rhymes are great they are not forced and they also flow with the rest of the song..Overall 9.5/10..awesome job man!

[bassaholica2004]

Thanks for the crits, if you left links I critted them. :D

[bassaholica2004]

OK, I changed a few parts I didn't like, so hopefully it will be a bit better now. I was wondering if you guys have any ideas for the part I italicized? I really don't like it, but I don't know what to do with it. Any help is appreciated.

[Daven]

i take off my hat towards you, awesome song 9.9/10

[That_Dude]

6/10 but i am a doushbag so what do i know.

[Corupt2057]

First thing right off I love the alliteration in this song


How do you know what I don't?
Do you breathe the air I speak?
Syphon syllables from my mind,
And deliver them to the weak?

talking about someone making up rumors or talking **** about you behind your back and that anyone who listens to it is weak because if they actually knew you they wouldnt believe the **** anyways that's how I interpret it
I don't see anything wrong here then

How do I know you're different,
A god leading the blind?
A mental messiah of sorts,
Or a demon decaying the mind?

the alliteration owns
this verse is just dynamite

Why should I listen to your thoughts,
This truth you so belive?
Words of mind and truth and lies,
Or thoughts made to decieve?

this verse doesn't do anything for me but further explain the theme

A human form of divinity
The silent movement of blasphemy.

How do I know what you don't?
Do I breathe the air you take?
Feed it to your fragile mind,
And ride the destruction in its wake?

ok if I interpretted the first verse right then wouldnt
"Do I breathe the air you take?"
mean that your starting to believe the **** she's saying about you or that its starting to get to you?
as for "And ride the destruction in its wake?"
maybe
"And breed the emotions I ache"
or
"And breed the emotions you make"
meaning let her feel the way you do because her saying the **** she says hurts your feelings..

How do I know that I am different,
A man among the sheep?
Delve the world into blasphemy,
To wander alone and to weep.

ok if you were to loosen the world to blasphemy then they wouldn't weep they would always be at one another's throats unless you mean because they turn their back on God so the are left to wander alone.. yeah probably just thinking out loud

Why do you listen to my thoughts,
This truth I so belive?
My ideas of mind, truth and lies,
And the darkness you receive?

nada

Why do I know what you don't?
That I am destined to die?
A god among men or a man among sheep,
It is so very easy to lie.

this verse reminds me of how invincible we sometimes feel like we can't die we don't realize how fragile life is because we feel very powerful at times, ok that explanation sucked but I know what I meant lol

The blind leading the weak
Corruption of the thoughts we speak.
great ending takes it back to the beginning of the song talking about how your words get twisted
anyways I always like your songs hope anything I said helped out or I interpretted it right
anyways heres some of my recent stuff
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302794
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302944

[bassaholica2004]

Whoa, thats an interesting interpretation, but not quite. The main theme of this song is "who am I?" The person I talk about in the first part is a preacher, or any person of any faith, and I question their reality. Its a weird phase I'm going through lately- I have no way to prove anything exists, and its depressing me lol. This is just my way of questioning a faith, I guess.

The second part is question MY existance. How can I prove I exist if I ultimately die? I can't. Again, this leads to more depression, which gets me questioning THAT, and it becomes a vicious circle. :lol:

Anywayz, thanks for the crits guys. We'll probably be working on some music for it next weekend.