Broken Mirrors

[OneWingedAngel]

Here's a song... Opinions / questions / snide remarks are all welcome :thumb:




She looks into / Her broken Mirror
Upon her problems / Upon her fears

Picks up the peices / Digs in deep
The mirrors guilty / It denies her sleep

Hold her hand/ grasps it tight/ before she slips away/ into the night

He won't let her fall / for she hangs on the edge
Though a part of her wants to drop / his hand is gonna stay

She looks into / her lovers face
She knows the choice / she has to make

Climbs over the edge / Heart beating fast
If it weren't for him / It'd be her last

hold her ahnd / grasp it tight / before you slip away / into the night

I won't let you fall / for you hang on the edge
Though a part of you wants to drop / my hand is gonna stay

[Something_Vague]

First off spellcheck this I found multiple grammatical errors. Secondly this is my only main problem with this:

He won't let her fall / for she hangs on the edge
Though a part of her wants to drop / his hand is gonna stay

This little couplet doesn't rhyme, which you tried to do so through this poem, so I'd suggest a little revision of this, it'll really help this out. Other than that, this is was pretty good, one of the better ones I've read on here, which isn't saying alot since most writers on here, write really really stupid ****.

[OneWingedAngel]

meh, opinion accepted, but i don't wanna change that... [i]I[i/] like it

[Something_Vague]

at least make it rhyme

[OneWingedAngel]

it doesn't have to... I like the effect it creates, and besides, it's one of those "artistic freedoms"