***Post-It Notes Cover My Walls, If Only I Could Read All of Them..

[Something_Vague]

Sorry I've been really busy with school If I owe you a crit or anything post them after a reply or something I promise I'll get to them, and If you post a link, I'll get to it anyway :thumb:

Anyway, enjoy it is personal :)

Post-It Notes Cover My Walls, If Only I Could Read All of Them..

Take my glance with open eyes and an open arm
I'm fighting not to take my hand to my buzzing alarm.
My headaches been killing me, but maybe that’s for the best,
Because I didn't want to tell you to "put me outta my misery."
Maybe it'll soften the blow, when you tell me just to go:
Back to the beginning, because that’s where it all started...
"I just want you at dawn, so I can watch the sunrise for a finale."

Maybe we'll just sit back on the grass, and under a tree
We'll read a story book about our epilogue and eulogy.
If only our suits weren't black, and our hair was a little more brown,
This could have been a sunny day, but it always has to rain
When someone is covered with these red velvet tear drops.
Believe me though, "Maybe today we can pass over the night,
So I can watch the beautiful aurora tomorrow morning with you."

But the sun will turn us to stone,
And we'll crumble away,
Just like those we forgot,
Just like them, we'll decay.
So for our memory,
And our naivety.
"Turn me bronze, so I can shine with the worst of 'em...”

[Something_Vague]

Why is noone looking at this...:(

[ClayTheJ]

The ending wen way off topic from the beginning. It looks kinda stupid when you put a rhyme at the beginning and then only rhyme 2 or 3 times the rest of the song. Don't use so many big words that people won't understand, thats not the key to get people to like your songs. If you seperate these into three different parts, they will work OK, my advice is not to keep them in the same song, but each verse thingy is well thought out.

Oh yea, don't use colored font either.

[maggotfelon]

I agree about how the first lines rhyme and then the rest doesn't. It doesn't seem to work too well. As for "big words"... this guy above me must still be in grade school cause I don't see anything big up there. Personally I didn't care for this piece, but that's probably just me. I thought "Back to the beginning, because that’s where it all started..." that one line was repetitive. Obviously the beginning is where it all started, why state that twice, I'd edit the last half.

Check this out if you get a chance:
ANZU
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=298046

[espf-250htd06]

decent but defintly not awesome i cant believe i got a 4/10 if you think this is good cause I cant see this being any better than my song but w/e floats ur boat idk your song seems to float around alot on topic but off topic first lines arent anygood you said all my song sounded cliche alot of this song does oh well thanks for the crit

[barclay]

Ew......just ewwww!

Heh, jk. Although, I will say I don't think this is much better than my song, but whatever.

[LivingDeadBoy]

Ok, everyone who said: "This isn't better than my song", you are a bunch of jealous kids.

Noticing your nickname you seem like an avid listener of Bright eyes! :) This song is very bright'esque. But it is misisng a chorus, and something to tie the verses together. The last verse also jumps too much in size.

Try to edit this song and post again.

[teleplayer101]

not bad, maybe u should edit it and add some more. 5/10

thanks for crit mine

[Alive]

Surely it should be "Post-It Notes Cover My Walls, If Only I Could Read Them All..."???

[barclay]

I said I thought it wasn't much better than mine because he criticized my lyrics earlier, so I felt like I should tell him what I thought of his. In no way am I jealous.

[Something_Vague]

How exactly does this jump sequences....

Verse 1: Me waking up getting reading for a funeral, with my girlfriend.

Verse 2: Hours before the funeral, when we're sitting under a tree, then during and after.

Verse 3: Main Metaphor.

This doesn't seem to jump plot wise at all, I'l; change that one line about the beginning, that does sound repetitive. Thanks everyone who checked this out and thanks to Livingdeadboy for checking this out and pointing out that I love bright eyes, and get most of my writing style from Conor Oberst. I'll post some of my older work to clarify that I can actually write decent stuff. :)

[ClayTheJ]

Learn to take a ****ing crit. Nowhere in the first stanza does it show that your getting ready for a funeral. The only thing that you can EASILY tell is for a funeral is the black suits line. The end of the second stanza just talks about how you want the girl. And then the ending comes out of nowhere, from a funeral, to your girlfriend, to decaying. Learn to take a ****ing crit without bitchin about it.

[Something_Vague]

Learn to take a ****ing crit. Nowhere in the first stanza does it show that your getting ready for a funeral. The only thing that you can EASILY tell is for a funeral is the black suits line. The end of the second stanza just talks about how you want the girl. And then the ending comes out of nowhere, from a funeral, to your girlfriend, to decaying. Learn to take a ****ing crit without bitchin about it.


Okay you're a ****ing dolt, I'm not crying about people's crits, dumbass, I'm clarifying that it doesn't jump shift at all, you need to calm the **** down, okay? Jesus this board is filled with arrogant assholes that think they know what the hell their talking about. You're probably still learning about Iambic Pentameter in school or something, thats probably out of your league, how about a metaphor, know what those are? I hope so, maybe an allusion, or similie, how about an oxy-moron. I probably lost your dumbass at the word clarifying. Suck it up, and deal with the fact I know what I'm talking about the piece that I wrote, and you have no clue. How about that.

[Sloth]

I don't mean to antagonize...but shut the hell up! all of you! Whoever said "well this isn't better than MINE" what the hell?! are you little emo fags? ESPF- come one man, don't react like that.. I know you write good, you don't have to respond like that..
and BIG WORDS? Are you ****ing retarded?! there are NO big words in this piece!

Something Vague- it's ok to elaborate and clarify about a piece and all that...but like Clay said, don't take the crits the wrong way.. Unless the person's saying "DuDe, YoU FvCkInG sUcK aT wRiTiNg....JuSt QuIt FaG!" just learn from what they say....

Whoever had trouble analyzing this- Don't try telling the writer what is or is not being said! it's not your ****ing piece.. Learn to understand imagery, metaphor, simile, and all of that other poetic stuff..... Just because you aren't smart enough to see something, doesn't mean it's not there....



GROW UP and just crit each other's posts....respectfully! Not like a bunch of bitches!"

[Something_Vague]

Thank you sloth, but as for a crit, lol, when are you gonna be supplying?

[maggotfelon]

**** it. Return my favor you fvcker.

[LivingDeadBoy]

Everyonoe just shut up.

Whoever said soemthing bout emo kids, shut the **** up.
Something vague, songs aren't supossed to be clarified, so if they didn't get it the first time, there is something wrong. Also stop acting like a smart ***. Everything you said just proves you are a teenager in gr 10, since that's when you learn all of that.