please crit this

[teleplayer101]

Hey guys, its my first time on here. Please crit my lyrics, its not a full song yet. Im not 100% sure on the title either.

Off To War-
Send your men off to war
But make sure you don't tell them what their fighting for.
After 10,000 are down and dead
Tell them us it's their countries blood they bled.
After 10,00 families are left alone
They'll end up starving to the bone.
After 10,000 innocent men are shot
They won't find the answer, so they'll question the thought.
Maybe after they see what we go through
At the end you'll have to tell us what is true.

ok, thats it. PLEASE CRIT

[teleplayer101]

hey guys please crit this! im not sure if its good or not. k thanks

[GreenDayFrk88]

Off To War-
Send your men off to war
But make sure you don't tell them what their fighting for.
After 10,000 are down and dead
Tell them us it's their countries blood they bled.
After 10,00 families are left alone
They'll end up starving to the bone.
After 10,000 innocent men are shot
They won't find the answer, so they'll question the thought.
Maybe after they see what we go through
At the end you'll have to tell us what is true.

Interesting song.. Im pretty sure its about the war in iraq. am i right??? Well anyway it has potentiall to be a good song not bad 8/10

[ABulldog]

has potential yes, but for a song that is about war, I would stay away from the bad rhymes... and I would finish the song first before posting. I learned that people don't read it or crit very often if it isn't a full song.

[teleplayer101]

Thanks ABulldog. haha ya maybe i should of finished the song but o well i posted it already thanks both of you for the crit

[espf-250htd06]

idk describes the killing of war good but how are the people wear fighting innocent why did the family of the soldiers starve all points that dont really make sense i think this is an above average war song but average war songs suck and this one is one level above suck total rewrite my suggestion 4.5/10 thanks for the crit on my song

[Something_Vague]

Hey guys, its my first time on here. Please crit my lyrics, its not a full song yet. Im not 100% sure on the title either.

Off To War-
Send your men off to war
But make sure you don't tell them what their fighting for.
After 10,000 are down and dead
Tell them us it's their countries blood they bled.
After 10,00 families are left alone
They'll end up starving to the bone.
After 10,000 innocent men are shot
They won't find the answer, so they'll question the thought.
Maybe after they see what we go through
At the end you'll have to tell us what is true.

ok, thats it. PLEASE CRIT

This was, to be blunt, terrible. The rhymes were atrocious, the topic is less than unoriginal, people have devoted entire carears(Anti-Flag) to singing about war and the government, you seriously think you can do something new? The message is so blunt you could some this up in three words: War is Bad. You failed on a massive level to be honest, you repeat, 10,000 and rhyme obvious rhymes. My score is a 2/10, I give 2 points for the effort. Broaden your horizons and actually write something original.

Check out mine, it is on the first page.

[teleplayer101]

thanks guys, i put this "song" together very quickly so ya i guess it kinda does suck. thanks for the crit though

[ClayTheJ]

This was, to be blunt, terrible. The rhymes were atrocious, the topic is less than unoriginal, people have devoted entire carears(Anti-Flag) to singing about war and the government, you seriously think you can do something new? The message is so blunt you could some this up in three words: War is Bad. You failed on a massive level to be honest, you repeat, 10,000 and rhyme obvious rhymes. My score is a 2/10, I give 2 points for the effort. Broaden your horizons and actually write something original.

Check out mine, it is on the first page.
Its his first song. There aren't many bands like Anti - Flag that write about war and government, and the stuff we write is things that about anyone could write. I give him credit for writing about something other than girls, death, darkness, or suicide. For a first song that isn't half bad (at least what you have).

[CcD]

I agree with Something Vague about war being a much overused topic. There are dozens of other social issues that would affect people on a more personal level if you were to write a song about them. My suggestion is to read a newspaper.

[teleplayer101]

thanks ClayTheJ for somewhat of support. thanks for all the crit

[matt10lightning]

its a pretty good song..and it is ur first song trent soo its not that bad..just keep working at it and add on to it cuz its soo d.a.m.n. short...overall *6.5/10*