Whirlwind Of Destruction

[GreenDayFrk88]

(Verse 1)

Walking up this icey mountain
slipping and sliding all over again
Trying to reach the top
and im never gonna stop
paining burning like the heat of the sunn
I can't take it i've just gotta run
You look down as if you're superior
The one and only destroyer
of my world

(Chorus)

Im in a whirliwind of destruction
and im in an emotional combustion
I feel like im gonna explode
then maybe these tears will erode
and you will come back to me
Now i am beginning to see
that this was never meant to be
we will just go out to sea
and die alone
with no one at home

(Verse 2)

Avalanches falling down
pushing me to the ground
I continue my laborous journey
My plan layed out before me
You laugh and the mountain shakes
cracks form in the ground like an earthquake
You're like god sitting up there
Pushing me around without a care
Im almost at the peak
but you push me down back to the sea

(Repeat Chorus)

(Verse3/Bridge)

I've found one thing out
Ill never make it
What's this all about
I just cant take it
You'll never let me reach the top
all you'll do is watch me flop
back down to the ground
and scream back up at you

(Repeat Chorus)

[GreenDayFrk88]

Crits plz i need some help im not sure if this is good or not...AHHH

[espf-250htd06]

rhyming makes this song suck seems like every rhyme is forced idk just dont rhyme, up hill thing is way over done this one dont sound alot different than any other one ive heard 5/10 thanks for the crit on my song

[teleplayer101]

rhyming makes this song suck seems like every rhyme is forced idk just dont rhyme

hey man, i agree with that. themes alright but the rhyming ruins it at parts. there are a few good parts though. id give u a 5.5/10

[Akehuka7_II]

rhyming makes this song suck seems like every rhyme is forced idk just dont rhyme, up hill thing is way over done this one dont sound alot different than any other one ive heard 5/10 thanks for the crit on my song
I sort of agree with this statement. Some of the rhyming seems like it was forced. You could always add lines in bewtween that don't rhyme, instead of rhyming every one.

Like...


I like the sea
It makes me float
When i see the sun
I like the boat

You could do something like that and just rhyme every other line. I think that would help the most.

[ABulldog]

I agree with what they are saying, but it isn't as bad as they say. It can be salvaged. The verses I thought were ok, but the rhyming was a little 1st grade. Meaning it sounds like mother goose tried to write a rock song. Rewrite the chorus and re-post it.

The song gets a 6/10, but the verses get an 8/10. The chorus was a 4/10