You Are Drinking Root Beer And Water

[RollerQueen]

Hey everyone. I'm back after some severe technical difficulties. I hope that you all have been playing nicely while I was gone. In the downtime, RollerQueen has recorded an EP and played a show. My hopes lie in that everyone is doing comparatively well.

I wrote this today during my Ethics course and refined before a presentation in a grammar class. It's not as if any of that matters but every song has a story and this is the story about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down. Let me know what'n y'all thank of eeut. I'll be back after work to return comments and possibly crits. Perhaps I'll even explain the situation but I'd rather toy with you guys. Godspeed.



You Are Drinking Root Beer And Water



Half empty, half full, it makes no difference.
All it means is that I'll need another round
In another couple of minutes.
It's not liquid courage that I'm downing,
But it's liquid company and I'll drink to that

One more round!
I still see
Charlatans,
Rapists, thieves,
Whores, harlots,
And this sound...

These whorish coquettes with pretty,
Innocent facades pirouette in circles
As each drink cheapens their virtues;
These mongrels calculate their partnerships
Under the influence of 7 & 7.
Seventy times seven, their crooked canes
Leave them unforgiven, unforgotten, and abominable

One more round!
I still see
Charlatans,
Rapists, thieves,
Whores, harlots,
And this sound...

snap snap snap
" One two three

AWAKEN"

... Did I say anything embarrassing?

[Nazman]

Makes no sense..Everything on this board has to make sense. Is it a poem or a song?

[Sailorgirl#1]

I do not understand. Is this a poem or a song?

[maggotfelon]

"It's not liquid courage that I'm downing,
But it's liquid company and I'll drink to that"
-- I liked these lines alot.


"Under the influence of 7 & 7.
Seventy times seven, their crooked canes"
-- If you could explain this that would be good cause this is where I get lost.


Other than that one part I thought it was definately good. I enjoyed reading it and I really can't think of anything to change. So keep up the good work mofo.

[ABulldog]

So you were at a bar or frat party and everyone around you was drunk off their ***. Guys were trying to get the girls drunk. Girls didn't care. They would sleep with anyone. Right?

Oh well. I thought it made sense.

8/10

could you critique mine, and don't bother with the comments made by powerkegi. He is an idiot.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=297799

[Nazman]

8/10? You just gave it that to make them give you a good crit..

[Hadji]

I personally thought it made perfect sense. Other than the aformentioned '7 & 7' lines, everything was really good. I had a great flow and I thought you had a really nice word-choice. 8/10.

[ABulldog]

7 & 7 is a drink consisting of seagrams 7 and 7-up.

[RollerQueen]

Stop polluting my thread and grow up, Nazman.

Thanks for the crits so far.

It makes sense. It's about hypnosis. Later, I'll explain more if that hint doesn't help. Sailorgirl, it's a song. Everything that I post is a song.

7 & 7 was hit on the head by ABulldog. Kudos for that. The portion that the part is culled from is a quasi-Biblical reference. "Canes" has a double-meaning. I don't want to give everything away so I'll leave it at that. I'll read your piece, AB.

[Sloth]

hey Queen... Good to see you back... thanks for the little crit...
right now, I haven't slept.....so i can't find anything wrong with it....Not bad at all....
I'll try to be back later to give a better crit

[dblack]

First good lyrics I've seen on this forum. 9/10

[ABulldog]

So is the crooked cane supposed to be the candy cane type that people use to have... mainly shepards... hence the biblical meaning of God being my shepard? I doubt that's right, because I have no idea what that has to do with 70 times 7, which equals 490... unless you meant like 490 B.C., which I doubt even more. Or was it about Vincent Canes?

How it relates to hypnosis is beyond my thoughts. My only thought on that is that drinking makes people hypnotic, or that the whole idea of it's cool to drink is hypnotic and when you get drunk you don't know what you are doing like someone under hypnosis, which seems to make the most sense, I guess.

The snap snap snap. 1,2,3 part makes sense now though.

Thanks for the crit on my piece. You were right I tried to make it too dense. Did you mean that it was a 6.5-7/19 or was the 19 supposed to be a 10?

[metaliq]

Hmm, the ending reminds me of a song you mentioned in our little discussion yesterday I believe...

I noticed you did a little work to the first stanza and I like it! :)

"Under the influence of 7 & 7.
Seventy times seven, their crooked canes"
--I liked that, I dont have much to say besides that I spadose.

"I still see
Charlatans,
Rapists, thieves,"
---My favorite lines. There is something intruiging about the word 'thief'. I would say that you are referring to the moral type of thief, such as taking someones property that doesnt belong to them, but it also can refer to 'stealing' someones loves in a sense. But I wont go into that, just thinking out loud...

Okay, well I do not have as much insight in your work as you do on mine, which is why I seek you for your input more often then you for mine, hehe. But overal, I liked it... as usual, it was well thought out and constructed in a good fashion. If I can think of anything else to post input on, I shall do so.

Until then, I am leaving and you keep writing homeskillet.

[RollerQueen]

Thanks, guys.

Here's a quick run-down: The main character is under a sort of group hypnosis. The hypnotist is making everyone believe that they are at a party or a bar and serving them all they can drink for free. They ARE drinking but the beverages are (drumroll please) root beer and water, not alcohol. The main character's disgusted by the meat market that the situation has become and comments on it. As for whether the words are actually spoken while he's hypnotized or if it's just his thought pattern and its effect on the final line, I leave that up to the reader.

There's more to it but I figure that'll be enough to understand the song without having to try (think of another way to spell "cane"). Thanks for the comments, guys. AB, I edited my post in your thread. It WAS supposed to be out of ten. I hit the wrong key. Keep 'em coming if anyone else has anything to say about this. Thanks again.

[weazel357]

70 times 7 is how many times jesus said you should forgive people in the bible

[RollerQueen]

^^^^^That's getting in the right area. Rep points for you and whoever else has properly interpreted any other part of the piece. This is me being didactic.

Anyone care to stab the "cane" thing or has interest in this piece waned into "new moon" territory?

EDIT: Added "properly." Can't go around letting every improper interpretation receive rep points.