Distant Hearts(*CRIT. 4 CRIT.*)

[matt10lightning]

Distant Hearts

MY strong affection has me assured
Im attached to devotion
Personifiaction of love and motavation

My personal ties are filled with endearment
All good in which you have done for me
An unselfish benevolent concer

(Chorus) Im inspired by you affection
Your passion calls fro my protection
I hear your yearnings
From distance away
I love you enthusiasm
Its all my concern
So let it all embrace
THe moments we'll trace
Its good for another chance
Instead of a loss lets take it to advance

Warm adoration of yourself
An assurance of your love
My brotherly concerns thrive to the occasion

An ecperiance of active tenderness
An idea, more of grace

[GreenDayFrk88]

MY strong affection has me assured
Im attached to devotion
Personifiaction of love and motavation

My personal ties are filled with endearment
All good in which you have done for me
An unselfish benevolent concer


Good job on that park a lot of nice vocab and it portrays the emotions of the song very nicely. It kinda looks like someone deeply in love with someone good job here.


(Chorus) Im inspired by you affection
Your passion calls fro my protection
I hear your yearnings
From distance away
I love you enthusiasm
Its all my concern
So let it all embrace
THe moments we'll trace
Its good for another chance
Instead of a loss lets take it to advance

Warm adoration of yourself
An assurance of your love
My brotherly concerns thrive to the occasion

An ecperiance of active tenderness
An idea, more of grace

Good chorus really shows how the person feels for the other person. Terrific. Once again u used great vocab and portrayed the emotions.

This song was very good i liked how u portrayed the emotions. I would just add a second verse and maybe make the 1st one longer other than that. Great song 8.5/10

[matt10lightning]

Thanx for the crit. TJ i appreciate it

[thedeadwalk!]

"complete devotion" songs while tiresome, are also kind of creepy. a lot of them talk directly of emotions instead of using some kind of symbolism or metaphor. also, there's no personality here; people feel a lot of the same things, and while it is very personable to you it sounds like rehashings of songs we've all heard before, and didn't really care for.

you've got to be careful with songs like this for people to like them. it's not my cup of tea, the most sound the same, and say the same thing; which is something i'm not interested in.

[matt10lightning]

thanx for the crit. ill take that in mind while writing other songs

[matt10lightning]

some1 please crit. this because not very many people have looked at it! (i will crit. back)

[lowsmith26]

not bad, however, while it does have a nice vocabulary it tends to feel forced. ive noticed many other songs on here that have had that flaw also. a song, no matter what, has to feel natural. keep up the good work

[LoniLogic]

i like the idea about the song, your use of vocab. is intresting, the only thing that cought me off guard is that some of the verses rhyme, where others do not. this could be a good thing, but hard to tell without hearing it played.. i an feel the emotion that you are trying to portray, which is also a nice point, i hope this helps, i'm trying to get used to crit'ing other peoples work...

[i_mine_cor]

A very strange flow, a different vocabulary but it feels restricted because everything directly describes the feelings. The greater part just sounds like love phrases that have been kind of stuck together awkwardly, jibberish. I'd try displaying your feelings through other things and examples.

[AshesOfHate]

this is very um.......um.........like.....you are all i have or need or think about....i mean its good but its a little um....werid. But good job.....crit mine...Love Letters Look Better On Fire