my friends lyrics... plz rate

[metal¯head]

hey these are my friends lyrics he wrote, can u guys please rate them??

Destroy my soul

I am dying, this is my demise
This is the end, and you didn’t
Even hear my cries.

I can feel your hate.
I can taste your loathing.
I can see my fate.
I can smell my bloodstained clothing.

Destroy my soul, Eradicate my heart
Contradict my mind, pull my life apart.
Cut my wrists, take away the pain
Sledgehammer my thoughts, and enter my brain.

When I look at you, all I feel is pain
When I think about you I feel the same
And I always seem to talk about again
And there you are, still in my brain.

Destroy my soul, Eradicate my heart
Contradict my mind, pull my life apart.
Cut my wrists, take away the pain
Sledgehammer my thoughts, and enter my brain.


Never there

So sick of all the times you let me down,
So sick off all the times you weren’t there,
So sick of bleeding inside,
So sick of the pain and despair!
Why did you do it to me?
Why put me through that ****?
You meant so much to me,
Now our relationship is just a rip!

Always there to let me down,
Never there to pick me up off the ground.
You were there to give me ****,
But you weren’t there to get me out of this pit.
Now I am just fading away,
And you weren’t there help for even one day.

It has made me feel so broken,
It has made me feel so down,
I am full of disbelief,
Silence seems like the only sound!
I can’t even feel anymore,
My senses are clouded,
I will never forgive you for this,
A happy life for me now seems doubted!

Always there to let me down,
Never there to pick me up off the ground.
You were there to give me ****,
But you weren’t there to get me out of this pit.
Now I am just fading away,
And you weren’t there help for even one day.

It breaks my heart, It brings tears to my eyes,
The worse thing is how our relationship just dies!
After all the **** we went through,
After all the times I needed you,
It was just nothing and I will never forgive you!
Never there, never there, never there
You were never ****ing there!

Always there to let me down,
Never there to pick me up off the ground.
You were there to give me ****,
But you weren’t there to get me out of this pit.
Now I am just fading away,
And you weren’t there help for even one day.

Never there…

[DMBfan27284]

Dude can i use these for my band

[guitarist/songwriter100]

hey this is a good song it has great flow and rythm. but this one spot it messes up the flow i think in this part-(
Destroy my soul, Eradicate my heart
Contradict my mind, pull my life apart.
Cut my wrists, take away the pain
Sledgehammer my thoughts, and enter my brain.)

where it says (eradicated my heart) it should say (eradicated is my heart) it flows better,but it is up to you.

[matt10lightning]

good song...i agree with guitarist/songwriter100 it has a great flow and very good rhythm..overall 8/10(im a generous critiquer but im not being generous) good job!

crit 4 crit please (favorable outcome)

[matt10lightning]

haha thats awesome theres three goods down the three lines(wow im retarted)

[Juan Ramone]

it's beautiful :cool:

[GreenDayFrk88]

Nice song really great if ur friend did write it he's really good. =) well ill give it a 8.5/10 cause i thought it was a very nicely put together peice

[metal¯head]

Dude can i use these for my band

nah sorry man lol, ull hav 2 think of ur own lyrics

[Ulysses]

These are great metal lyrics, full credit to the author, I find little fault in them and they would do well in a metal song, the words rhyme and flow throughout the song, good stuff.

[deathscreamingsheep]

Ok this is really good, though watch out for the long words, I use them myself and you often find that they sometimes can disrupt the flow of what is otherwise a great set of lyrics. If your own lyrics can match or better these I will certainly be impressed.
8.5/10

[Daven]

really good i take off my hat

[the next big thing]

Has anyone actually read these lyrics

The first song isn't even about anything. Just a bunch of violent souding lines. Now come on, "cut my wrists". Yeah it rhymes and flows well but the content is ****.

The second one is also **** mostly for bein unoriginal and cliche. "A happy life for me now seems doubted!" now thats a bad.

4 out of 10. I can see theres potential but your freind needs to wrote about interesing subjects.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

Slap your friend and tell him to stop writing trite pop-metal lyrics.

[Corupt2057]

Destroy my soul

is good but the long words in the chorus break up the flow
and a few words just take away from the mood like

Destroy my soul, Eradicate my heart
Contradict my mind, pull my life apart.

try "pull this life apart."
it breaks up the repetitiveness and demands action
which is really strong and thats what you want for a metal song, right?

also "sledgehammer my thoughts"
sledgehammer has too many syllables compared to your other action words which fumbles the flow agian

Never There

I really liked this one

in verse one this line
"Now our relationship is just a rip!"
is just too forced you don't even have to end this verse with a rhyme
end with an insult to her like
"I hate you ****ing bitch" or something along those lines

"Always there to let me down,
Never there to pick me up off the ground."

Never to pick me off the ground.
sounds better to me but maybe to speedy

"You were there to give me ****,
But you weren’t there to get me out of this pit."

try
You were always there to give me ****,
But never there to pull me from the pit.


"Now I am just fading away,
And you weren’t there help for even one day."

maybe try
"you weren’t there to help agian today"

It breaks my heart, It brings tears to my eyes,
The worse thing is how our relationship just dies!
After all the **** we went through,
After all the times I needed you,
It was just nothing and I will never forgive you!

that just sounded really good to me its so natural

anyways try on those opinions hopefully you'll find it fixes those flow break-ups

[Slipknot_forever]

hey everyone, i would happen to be the writter of those lyrics...thats the first stuff i have ever written so thanks for the good ratings lol! but to those who think im a pop metaller or whatever...i dont even know if thats possible because metal is about not giving a **** about what other people think, so i dont know how u can use pop and metal in the same word....oh well! Thanks again everyone!

[TheBlackAcidChildren]

metal is about not giving a **** about what other people think
Good job posting your lyrics on here then. :wave:

[estel]

If you don't care what people think, why post?

The first song doesn't really give us much to go on. It's just a heap of violence, self-mutilation and negativity. It doesn't connect with us in any way, it just sounds like an attempt at venting. You should put in something there to make us relate, why do you feel like that - how do you actually feel (not just "cut my wrists" and "sledgehammer my thoughts")

2nd song - the rhymes are way too forced. Don't be so strict on rhyimng. Not every line has to fit the scheme. If you can't think of a word that fits the line and still sounds decent, put in something that may not rhyme, but sounds good and has the right meaning. Remember this :- Meaning > rhyming.
That, and it's cliche screamo. These sort of lyrics have been done a lot, and it takes a lot of effort to write really impressive lyrics along these lines, because everyone's seen them a thousand times before.

Anywho, pretty decent for a first attempt. Fix a few of the forced rhymes, and that'll be a start in the right direction.

[Slipknot_forever]

BTW everyone i meant not giving a fu.ck as in doing what you want...like of course i want feedback for my songs coz i want to see if im **** or not. **** i dunno.