I/You/We

[Geometric Patterns]

I am exposed as some ghost of truth.
We are all made to be used.
I sigh "I cant live this way,
The beauty reamains hidden now
And you just cant be the same as
I am the same".

And you looked and I looked and we saw
That we are more alike then not
Not difference in spirit
Just tired and weary
And then You fell and I fell and we fall

And I say to you
"Baby, I know"
But I dont know, I dont know, I dont know

You say
"Now this is just an illusion
It is meant to confuse us
We just live to love and to die
Dont waste your precious time
Whats beyond is unknown,
See right now you are home?
Just breathe, and laugh, and cry

And now you will see that I've been here all along,
And now you will feel that we've done no one wrong
THat we just are what we are and nothing can change
Oh, baby, just promise not to leave me this way.


This is takes on a little bit of a different style that what I usually have, but it flows really well with the music. But tell me any change to make on it -- i take constructive criticism seriously and love any opinion.

[|Demosthenes|]

well... if you ask me, i personaly dident like it. im sorry, i guess its just not my style to have long quotes of a person in a song.... but, i do like however, the sotry it tells and the message it conveys. it proly sounds better with music to it!
could you crit? thanks
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293936

[smelnykthebassist]

i think it blows. i dont know. its hard to read, seems to have not much flow and it just doesnt seem like something you'd hear any genre of music singing. sorry mate. 5/10. you did put effort. the idea is good, just the wording isnt that great.

[Geometric Patterns]

opinions are opinions, and I appreciate you reading my song.
:)
But any suggestions as to what I should change?

[IOWNU200]

I think it started out pretty weak, but it got a lot better towards the end. In the beginning it seemed like all your repetitiveness (not exactly the same, but very similar) would get pretty annoying. Maybe switch up the wording a little, I know this can be alot better. First and last lines of the second stanza are to be changed I think. Anyways, not bad.
Check out mine if you can: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=294130