just a chorus

[POOSTAIN]

I haven't worked out the rest of the song yet but I have the chorus.

Another problem avoided,
A peice is taken away,
One more solution aborted,
With hope we'll be okay,
Your optimism destroyed it,
Held by what I didn't say,
Sit back and leave it distorted,
There's got to be a better way.

[darkskies ahead]

i actually like every bit of it cant wait to see the rest
mine is Time of need please crit

[IOWNU200]

looks like a pretty good start, one line needs work though, "Held by what I didn't say,"

Change that one and this is an excellent chorus, i'll be sure to crit the rest when you get it up.

Look at mine if you can: Dependant on the sun

[Zero Peace]

go for the rest of the song. its sounds really good. cant wait until its finished

[Subliminal_Nirvana]

Really catchy chorus .. Its stuck in my head ...oh no earworm

[TemperamentalGoat]

I think it'd be better as a verse than a chorus, but I"m not a fan of choruses in general. That entire paragraph sounds great, but I wouldn't want to hear it repeated.

[Mister Insanity]

Congrats ... I like it. Even though this will not help you song one way or another by me posting, I feel you should be congragulated.