Take A Look Around

[Blue Light Special]

Another song. Title suggestions? Please tell me what doesn't sound right, what should be changed, and any other random suggestions.


Not sure where this one came from. I even get something new from it each time it is read. I really couldn't tell you what it is about. Which is sad, considering I wrote it.

Tell me what you think!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Take a look around
Shades of gray
We cry out for change
But the shades remain
Our sights purged
Of the colors we crave
Everything dull
Everything the same

Our once golden vision
Now tarnished
Our jaded perception
Has fooled us again
Our hearts purged
Of the happiness we had
Everything gone
Everything so dead

Greed has tarnished us all
Shades of green
Our hope for money
Killed conscience
Our minds numb
With the mindset of gold
Everything dead
Everything for wealth

Apathy killed the devil
Entrapped
With bars forged by hate
No hope of revision
He clouds our minds
With visions of hope
Everything fire
Everything for death

[darkskies ahead]

Take a look around
Shades of gray
We cry out for change
But the shades remain
Our sights purged
Of the colors we crave
Everything dull
Everything the same
This is ok sorta generic but still pretty good maybe change But the shades remain
Of the colors we crave overall pretty good

Our once golden vision
Now tarnished
Our jaded perception
Has fooled us again
Our hearts purged
Of the happiness we had
Everything gone
Everything so dead
Well I like the idea but the repitiveness is kinda annoying overall pretty good

Greed has tarnished us all
Shades of green
Our hope for money
Killed conscience
Our minds numb
With the mindset of gold
Everything dead
Everything for wealth
I love this verse the most, actually I wrote a song like this verse so more to you don’t change.

Apathy killed the devil
Entrapped
With bars forged by hate
No hope of revision
He clouds our minds
With visions of hope
Everything fire
Everything for death
I like this excep the first line other very creative awesome
Overall 8/10 good song I like it

[Jonahtan]

Take a look around
Shades of gray
We cry out for change
But the shades remain
Our sights purged
Of the colors we crave
Everything dull
Everything the same

I like this. It seems like it could be about how society kinda assimilated people and everything becomes bland and the same.

Our once golden vision
Now tarnished
Our jaded perception
Has fooled us again
Our hearts purged
Of the happiness we had
Everything gone
Everything so dead

This would follow the previous idea i had said. As young children everything is unique and exciting but as we grow we dont see that anymore, nothing is new, etc. Nice adjectives description too.

Greed has tarnished us all
Shades of green
Our hope for money
Killed conscience
Our minds numb
With the mindset of gold
Everything dead
Everything for wealth

Cool, this whole song's about like mankind. How we are completely corrupt in comparison with out young-selves.

Apathy killed the devil
Entrapped
With bars forged by hate
No hope of revision
He clouds our minds
With visions of hope
Everything fire
Everything for death

I really like the first line. This piece wasn't really that incoherent like you had said. It's pretty clear. I would give about a 8/10 You could use more imagery and rhetorical devices (metaphors, etc)

If you wouldn;t mind you could crit my poem "The Human Stain"

[jmusic4every]

funny....because sometimes.....i don't know what i'm mean too when i'm writing one thing leads another so in order to make sense i have to concentrate really hard or be inspired greatly...i like your songs...i agree....8/10

[Subliminal_Nirvana]

Makes sense the way you said you didnt know what it meant but it had a meaning...i do it too..its like writing from the back of your head ..your not concious to what your doing but its focused on something you care about ...good job 9/10