Picses

[TerryThorne]

This just deals with my Pisces disposition to feel sympathy for the weak and drawing creative energy from suffering. I also had a hatred towards people since I was 7.

Those who lash in red
Those who lash in red
those who las in red intent
Live amongst rock
Live amongst rock
Live amongst rock on Earth

Pulling strength from wet
Pulling strength from wet
pulling strength from wet I dream

Chorus
Five since I was two
I see myself hating you
for those who rather die
I hope you make good use of your time.

In case you didn't know the part about the people who lash out in red are generally evil people who "live amongst rock" because they are materialistic while Picses are torn between humanity and the divine.

[dracma]

TOO REPETITIVE you should change somethings in it also i didnt get the meaning push a little bit harder and you will make a good song also use some metaphores that would help you!

ps: thanx for rating my song !

[darkskies ahead]

Scrap this Way to repitive no metaphors forced ryhmes spend more time on your songs

[Jonahtan]

Umm, this song isnt really like what im used to reading on this forum. I think they could be lyrics to a song with catchy music but, the lyrics on their own, aren't very interesting to read. Theres really nothing there to critique... Maybe if you posted an MP3 we could crit how the lyrics fin in the song or somethin but othrwise, i dont really know what to say.

[TerryThorne]

yeah, I made it different

edit: I just heard the song "even in his youth" by nirvana where these lyrics go really well with, if you want an idea of how these would sound listen to it

[TerryThorne]

bump, I reall yneed more help here with my word vomit

[IOWNU200]

eh, you need to kill the repitition, it's hurting your song. there's only like 4 unique lines in this piece, and none of them are that outstanding anyways. I would scrap this whole thing if i were you. Sorry, but I don't see much hope for it. You would have to take out all the repitition and add a whole lot more.

Check mine out if you can: Dependant on the sun

[Subliminal_Nirvana]

repition can be used in special moderation ,..and ufortunatley u misused it ....kurt cobain ..and other 90's writers used repition well ...listen to there stuff