I hope you never understand...

[sleepuntilitsover]

hey this is my new song its played with a capo on the 5th fret so its quite a uptempo tune but its not like an uptempo song if you get me, the dashes indicate where i can't think of another verse, well i cant think of anythign good so any help would be appreciated Thank you in advance Cindy

I hope you never understand
why and what I did…
Don’t try to make sense of this,
Because I’m not sure there’s any there
Don’t ask me to explain
the ins and outs
To you
I don’t want to complicate things anymore
I just know…


It’s like drawing something you’ve never seen
it’s like knowing where you’re going when you’ve never been

-
-
-
-
Don’t ask me to explain
The ins and outs
To you
I don’t want to complicate things anymore
I just know…

It’s like drawing something you’ve never seen
it’s like knowing where you’re going when you’ve never been

I hope you lose your voice like I did
Screaming at pictures on the wall
I hope some day you realise
Moving on isn’t giving up

[crush_my_dreams]

you should try to make the last verse the same number of lines as the top.. then maybe end with Don’t ask me to explain
The ins and outs
To you
I don’t want to complicate things anymore
I just know…


oh and check you're spelling
realise=realize
ins and outs= in's and out's

other wise excellant job..8.5/10
<3

[Subliminal_Nirvana]

sketchy rhyme scheme but overall good 6/10

[sleepuntilitsover]

realise is the english way of spelling and i am english..

[--Attaboy_Skip--]

This song's good, it's fine right now. Good job. 8/10

PS Could you crit my song, Fly.
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=294675

Thanks, cheers!

[sleepuntilitsover]

bump

[TheACafe]

i dont think its bad, youll have to fill in those lines for a better overall image of it, but its not bad. I would suggest exploring words, experiment with different words and meanings, try out new things, because it feels like your just using ilnes that other songs do you know?...well anyway i do like the last stanza a good deal, its kind of like your big explanation, and i like how you dont really reveal anything until that point, it makes it more interesting to read, and listen to as well if its a song (assuming it is). good job 7/10

[fingers07]

man this is amazin you must be a really good writer and have lots of friens who are great....i would so give you a 12/10 because its SOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo good

[MisterXIsSilent]

Well Im not gonna elaborate on the flow/rhyme scheme because Im pretty sure you've got your own ideas planned out for that one, but what I will crit u on is ur use of imagry, metaphors, vocabulary, etc. So here goes :thumb:
-----------------------------------------
I hope you never understand
why and what I did…
Don’t try to make sense of this,
Because I’m not sure there’s any there
Don’t ask me to explain
the ins and outs
To you
I don’t want to complicate things anymore
I just know…
-----------------------------------------
If you read the first 2 lines really fast, you might think its cliche, but if you look at them closely you'll notice that they're not. Iv heard songs use arrangments of words such as "I did what I Did, but I dont think you understand", but instead you changed around the words so it doesnt sound cliche, good work on those 2 lines. I dont get the part where you say "dont ask me to explain the ins and outs to you", idk why I dont but for some reason I just dont...maybe Im just stupid lol. If I could just understand those lines, the whole stanza would be great in my eyes, so if you could elaborate a little bit that would be good.
-----------------------------------------
It’s like drawing something you’ve never seen
it’s like knowing where you’re going when you’ve never been

-
-
-
-
Don’t ask me to explain
The ins and outs
To you
I don’t want to complicate things anymore
I just know…

It’s like drawing something you’ve never seen
it’s like knowing where you’re going when you’ve never been

I hope you lose your voice like I did
Screaming at pictures on the wall
I hope some day you realise
Moving on isn’t giving up
---------------------------------------
Well, since Im too lazy to crit each individual stanza the rest of the way Ill try and speed this up while making this crit good.

Are those 2 lines the chorus? Because if so either you hold some of the words out longer to make the chorus last or its a really short chorus. Dont get me wrong, short choruses are good if you put them the righway, so make sure you structure the song the right way if it is a short chorus, but other than that they are two good lines. Now onto the next part. Iv learned this first hand, you can make repetition work, and Im pretty sure thats wut ull do. Sorry for lacking on that one but Iv already explained those lines lol. As for the last stanza, I hafta say that is the high point of the piece. I hope if this is a song in a band the singer sings that part really emotionally and powerful, those are 4 great lines, especially the last 2.

Overall this is a great song, showing lots of promise. I think Im gonna give this a 8.5 which is really good, since no song is ever perfect lol. If you see a perfect song you come tell me. What kinda music did you have planned for this cuz the way it fits in my head is sort of a post modern grunge/screamo type thing. What do you think? Well Im a go no. Ill ttyl hope the crits good enough.