Some of my stuff, can u gimme feedback.

[some.ragdoll]

Hi everyone, im pretty new to this lot, i just want to put some of my lyrics/poetry on here to see wot u think of it. Gimme any feedback u want :thumb:


1

Found out what messed up means now
gotta find a way out some how
cos my eyes are bloodshot red

And my head is turning
i can feel my stomach churning
never ever noticed what you said

now my voice is breaking
havn't had water lately
need some pills to fool my head

what am i doing today?
thought never did pass my way
need more time to find my bed.





tell me wot u think an i will post some more

RICK

[jmusic4every]

pretty good........right now i'm just browsing fast....and don't have time to critique every little thing but not bad....

[some.ragdoll]

cheers, i just edited it, i will put the rest on another time

[ace of spades]

The rhyming scheme is pretty neat.. different in every stanza, sortof gives in an un-balanced balance :)