Pride

[burton.and.gas]

Pride,
too much and a man could die,
the man who dies may not have the pride,
he may be using the pride as a weapon.

when you are proud,
make sure you are just proud,
because you are not better,
you are just proud.

pride does more harm,
it forms the greates evils of our world,
Racism and fascism are the children of pride.

Remember,
ur pride does not make you right,
your pride does not give you the right,
don't kill because of your pride.

When a man,
has too much pride,
a man,
who challenges the other,
or who is merely different,
will die.
So don't tell me to take pride.

[BlacklightGuitarist]

I'm sorry, I just couldn't get into this. I think you're being to straight-up, and you sure use the word "pride" far too much. I think songwriting is more about hedging around the topic, more than flat out saying "this is such and such." Think up a few good metaphors and run with them. Be flower-y.

[espf-250htd06]

idk this isnt to good of writing you kinda just had an idea and wrote what you was thinking as far as i can seen theres some kinda cool stuff in there but iam southern and i am from the country so i really dont agree with you here i think everything worthing of having inside is protected by pride or what i see as pride. pride is a good thing this song doesnt show the good side of pride of were you stand up for your self and stuff like that overall 5.5/10 youve diffently had better sorry for such a harsh crit check out my song a life lesson

[burton.and.gas]

i personally think pride isn't what makes u stand up for urself. i stand up for myself cos i dont think anyone is better than me, thats not being proud that is believing they have no more rights than i do. Pride is what makes the people who make you have to stand up for yourself be mean or attack you. but thanks for your crit anyway and i guess this is a bump.

[espf-250htd06]

anit thinking nobody is better than you having pride??? idk what your saying dont make much sense to me but ill just leave it at that cause iam tired of getting in arguments on here thanks cya

[--Attaboy_Skip--]

I thought this was too straight-forward but sometimes it's a good thing. But I just didn't think it worked here. You need to throw in a few metaphors here and there in this piece, I also think that you mention the word "pride" too much. Not bad, but definately in need of some improving. 6/10

[burton.and.gas]

nah scrpa thsi song and inore it im workin on a new one

[ABulldog]

this doesn't even really work as a song unless you were going for that suicidal tendency's feel. It sounds like just a kid going off on a rant of some sort expressing a one sided idea.

A lot of people have pride in what they do. No matter what it is. Taking out the trash, mowing the lawn or being a responsible human being. That pride is not bad for a person and never made someone die because of it.

Their is also no factual evidence here. How can you say that pride spawned racism and fascism. It may have done it, but you can't prove it and it sounds like your that drunk man on the corner always yelling at people who walk by.

[Subliminal_Nirvana]

this song was not good ..METAPHORS WILL GO A LONG WAY...G'LUCK MAN

[thedeadwalk!]

i think being straight-forward is better than bad metaphors. not everyone can do good metaphors or imagery or symbolism. maybe even the bluntness of it makes it more special or unique than any metaphor you throw out.

i enjoyed this, with what i don't like considered. perhaps pride was overdone, then again, it only matters what it sounds like. repitition can help solidify the message. i enjoy your songs; stuff i'm interested in, and not all the shallow metaphors that's slung around here.

[burton.and.gas]

pride caused racism and fascism! you se ewhen you are proud you are sure you are right and what you do is right and after a while without notice you get the idea that you are more right than oterh people and that otehr peopel are not as godo as you,
THAT is pride. many poeple now sya its what makes things better in the world and what makes people feel good about themselves isn tnecessarily pride i dont think of it as pride when i feel good for what i have done i just feel good, but i dont think it means i am better than other people which in my opinion is pride. and priode does kill people becuse of racist murder andi have justified why i think pride spawned racism so go ahead and call me ignornat if you want.