Dreams of escape

[BassMan182]

another one, thanks
__
I took a song
I didn't know the lyrics to
But I sang them anyway
Cheating liars
Causing fires
At the start of every day

I made a trip
Far as the eyes can see
You have to visualise
Pocket money
My only hobby
This came as no suprise

I got a first class stamp
So I can post myself away
Things will seem much clearer in the morning
Bubble wrap myself
Tightly squeeze away the dream
She's got claws she'll strike me without warning

The time has come
The weather's turning now
And it's never good to see
Mother Nature
Always hates ya
Been as good as I can be

I read up on
How to be that perfect son
But was bitten to the bone
It makes no sense
to sit on the fence
When the righteous path is shown
__

[BassMan182]

anybody..?

[BassMan182]

again, anyone?

[Jonahtan]

This song is kinda confusing, like the train of thought is a little messed up.

I got a first class stamp
So I can post myself away

this is my favorite part.

I can see that you have some writing talent but im kinda confused by some of the song.

For example:

I took a song
I didn't know the lyrics to
But I sang them anyway

This sounds good but then you say:

Cheating liars
Causing fires
At the start of every day

Which throws me off. A little explanation to what the song's about would allow me to crit better.

[darkskies ahead]

Normally I give indepth crits but this song makes no sense to me. It isn’t written very well and every rhyme is very forced. But I still like the firstclass stamp line but not a very good song Sorry just keep writing and youll get better
Heres my song http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=294201