If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

[Understanding In a Crash]

Purposely contradicting, it was actually spreed off when someone told me that I used too many big words in my songs. I purposely made the verses cliche... I don't know what else.

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

Sit down and drink, we’ll be late for class
It tastes so good, to speak our past.
It was her idea, she was so sure
I feel, a feeling, I’ve never quite heard before.

I could pour some more, if you must, a new sore…(x4)

In debt to the queen
When all light is dark...
To the twilight of dawn,
The sun's littlest spark...
To the arms of the heavens...
My last place to turn.
Pain, love and lessons
I'll conquer and learn.

I don’t believe in myself, and in what I do
I’ve never thought of me, without thinking of you. (ALT: I can’t say I’ve thought of myself more then you)
You are the reason I wake up with a sure smile;
And you are reason why I can live happily in denial.

I could pour some more, if you must, a new sore…(x4)

In debt to the queen
When all light is dark...
To the twilight of dawn,
The sun's littlest spark...
To the arms of the heavens...
My last place to turn.
Pain, love and lessons
I'll conquer and learn.

And every time I used to think,
It put myself through pain and fate..
Oh well..
But now when I think of you
I’ll pray to god that I'll see you..

The tea pot is broken, I have mis-spoken…(x4)

A secret blanket
Which holds me tight;
No longer to feel
What is wrong or right.
That heart you hold,
A piece of art,
Can't stop its love
That's been torn apart.

Torn A-part (Repeat until slowly fading out on 9th time)

[smelnykthebassist]

hmmm. not bad. not bad. 8/10. the title aint neccasarily having anything to do with song. but otherwise. good flow and good use of rhyme

[Understanding In a Crash]

I don't ever think my titles ever do make sense. Just a sprew of the moment thing of whatever comes to mind really. Thanks alot.

[BlacklightGuitarist]

I'm sorry, I thought there was a lot of forced rhyme and it didn't seem to have any direction... Some good ideas, but the forced rhyme put me off.

[factor46]

Awesome. I love it. The title was the best part of the song. Even though i wouldnt break God's windows....He's my buddy....lol.

[Jonahtan]

Cool song, i dunno, the rhymes may have been a little eforced but they still made sence and were relevant. my only suggestion would be to say

i no longer feel
what is wrong or right

in this verse:

secret blanket
Which holds me tight;
No longer to feel
What is wrong or right.

i think it would make it flow better and it would be easier to sing if thats what your doing.

[Understanding In a Crash]

Thanks, I'll check it out in word.

[RyMac59]

The titles makes the whole thing funny. I enjoy being amused.
I agree with what Jonahtan said there about that rhyme. Makes more sense his way methinks


Check out mine plz kthnx:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=294467

[Geometric Patterns]

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

First off, good title. It really grabbed my attention. Very sardonic...wonderful.


Sit down and drink, we’ll be late for class
It tastes so good, to speak our past.
It was her idea, she was so sure
I feel, a feeling, I’ve never quite heard before.

Nice rhyming, this has a great flow to it. Sometimes simple verses of love and loss and learning fir the best. Purposefully cliche? This is more refreshing than anything else. 'Its a feel, a feeling' --> that one added letter makes the use of the commas much more effective. Splits up the line a little more.

I could pour some more, if you must, a new sore…(x4)

Very good. I feel like you could elaborate just a little, not too much, on the 'a new sore' part. 'open old wounds with a new sore', or something to that effect.

In debt to the queen
When all light is dark...
To the twilight of dawn,
The sun's littlest spark...
To the arms of the heavens...
My last place to turn.
Pain, love and lessons
I'll conquer and learn.

Actually, this verse really just shocked me. I honestly had not read it when I started analyzing this, and the 'pain, love and lessons' part pops up. That, my friend, is a wonderful thing. I guess you drive your meaning across more vividly than the simple words let on. Less is more, in this instance. That being said, don't use the word 'queen'. It actually brings down this verse, it makes it sound so morbid, even hinting at gothic. While that isnt bad, it just really sticks out like a sore thumb based on the tone of this piece.

I don’t believe in myself, and in what I do
I’ve never thought of me, without thinking of you. (ALT: I can’t say I’ve thought of myself more then you)
You are the reason I wake up with a sure smile;
And you are reason why I can live happily in denial.

Make the first line a little more interesting, it seems bland at the moment. And the alternate portion of that verse is wonderful, i suggest that you use that. 'You alone are the reason I smile' ---> Don't bring use the 'wake up' bit, it seems rather excessive. Wonderful last line.

And every time I used to think,
It put myself through pain and fate..
Oh well..
But now when I think of you
I’ll pray to god that I'll see you..

'I put myself through this same fate' --> using pain twice seems slightly redundant.

The tea pot is broken, I have mis-spoken…(x4)

Lovely.

A secret blanket
Which holds me tight;
No longer to feel
What is wrong or right.
That heart you hold,
A piece of art,
Can't stop its love
That's been torn apart.

Torn A-part (Repeat until slowly fading out on 9th time)[/QUOTE]

Its almost as if this verse itself is trying to reassure the listener -- the poems own security blanket. Wonderful.



I've read and analyzed quite a few songs on here. And I must say, this is the best, if not close to it. Relaxed, lose, lyrically pleasing metaphors was the way to go for you here. Bravo.

[Understanding In a Crash]

This is like the most, and best crit's I've ever had on any of my songs. I think the title for one was something good and it's good thing my catholic school friend was telling me how much he hated his school. It seemed random but the first thing that came to mind was the title and I told him. He told me I was probably going to go to hell for saying that, but its true...

I appreciate everything said and done, analyzed and dissected. Thank you so much.