Flames on the Surface

[smelnykthebassist]

This, like most of the other lyrics i write, was made off the top of my head. what im going for is a tale of someone who's in emotional turmoil, and eventually becomes happy. when reading it, think ac/dc meets ironmaiden. let me know what you think.





|Flames on the Surface|


flickering lights of hidden hopes
on the walls of a broken heart
a misery past and actions undone
never returning to what it once was

i feel the pain and emmense misery
an empty mind the joy beyond my reach
hoping for the future im stuck with past
forever to simmer in emotions discontent

Chorus:
-------------------
fire burning deep within my soul
sustainer of all that there ever was
avoiding the waters of the great depression
lest the flame of life forever cease to burn
-------------------

within the embers of this corrupt soul
lies a past with the future still untold
memories of the joyous times past
beggining of the rest of my tormented life

anger and pain are slowly subsiding
the path to take relunctantly uncovered
chipping away at this solid heart of pain
hope is emerging for better times unseen

chorus

a bright light ahead a saviour at last
my anxeity lifted im no longer blind
to the happiness felt by others not lost
my spirit is lifted my heart fills with joy

evervescent glow of joy no more grief
streaming from my newly uncorrupt soul
never again to fall into the water
another underling of the devil thwarted.

[smelnykthebassist]

bump?

[Shtein]

|Flames on the Surface|


flickering lights of hidden hopes
on the walls of a broken heart
a misery past and actions undone
never returning to what it once was.

I like this one, id change "what it once was" to "what it was" that may flow better. nice verse :thumb: 9/10

i feel the pain and emmense misery
an empty mind the joy beyond my reach
hoping for the future im stuck with past
forever to simmer in emotions discontent.

this is cool, very deep again 9/10 :)


Chorus:
-------------------
fire burning deep within my soul
sustainer of all that there ever was
avoiding the waters of the great depression
lest the flame of life forever cease to burn
-------------------.

perfect chorus 9/10 :D

within the embers of this corrupt soul
lies a past with the future still untold
memories of the joyous times past
beggining of the rest of my tormented life.

best verse in song so far 9/10 :thumb:

anger and pain are slowly subsiding
the path to take relunctantly uncovered
chipping away at this solid heart of pain
hope is emerging for better times unseen.

perfect 9/10

a bright light ahead a saviour at last
my anxeity lifted im no longer blind
to the happiness felt by others not lost
my spirit is lifted my heart fills with joy.

its good except for the first part, i think its too long 8.5/10

evervescent glow of joy no more grief
streaming from my newly uncorrupt soul
never again to fall into the water
another underling of the devil thwarted.

good way to finish the song 9/10 :)

[Shtein]

i think overall the song is kickass, i think its the best song i read on mx
great job :chug:

[Shtein]

can u crit mine


http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=292965