Time of need

[jeisch09]

THis is my friends song TIme of need and he cant post for a couple of hours but he isnt new just using a different name so here goes

Time of need
I'm lost in this world
Tryin to find my way
Lookin for help
But not finding any

Pull me out of this spiral
Save me from myself
What do I do
In this time of need

This is my final cry
The world is spinning
All to fast
Nothing is clear
Except my past

Pull me out of this spiral
Save me from myself
What do I do
In this time of need

You reached out and held me
All the comfort I needed
Warm enough to heat
My cold heart

[darkskies ahead]

thanks man that helped alot and yes this is my song. please crit well

[darkskies ahead]

why does it take so long to get a crit

[Jonahtan]

Time of need
I'm lost in this world
Tryin to find my way
Lookin for help
But not finding any

Word wise there isn't much too impressive here but, as a song, i can see how it would work. With music this would be catchy and not overly wordy.

Pull me out of this spiral
Save me from myself
What do I do
In this time of need

So far im thinkin that this song's about a person who is in desperate need of help but is lost, like he doesn;t know what to turn too. Like everything if goin wrong or somethin. This message seems very well conveyed.

This is my final cry
The world is spinning
All to fast
Nothing is clear
Except my past

I like this verse the most so far, its alot catchier than the first two (though they might be catchy woth music). I like the rhyme, obviously not forced and is very fitting.

You reached out and held me
All the comfort I needed
Warm enough to heat
My cold heart

I think you should say either "you reach out and help me" or "you reached out and helped me" . This verse actually threw me off a little. The egining seemed like someone who is lost and kinda desperate but this seems like that charactor was like, sullen or just depressed or something (because of the last line). Its a good idea to resolve the problem at the end though.

Its pretty good but could just use a little re wording i think. I'd say 8/10

[darkskies ahead]

thanks for the crit actually i was depressed not seriously but to the point where i have been asked if i needed help and i needed someone or something to hold on to and how someone changed my life at the end.

[TerryThorne]

the only thing that bothers me is the "cliche" lines such as "save me from myself"
and "I'm lost in this world" maybe if you personalize those phrases you can make it very powerful

[darkskies ahead]

verse
Time of need
I'm lost in my own head
Tryin to find my way
Lookin for help
But not finding any

chorus
Pull me out of this spiral
Save me from myself
What do I do
In this time of need

verse
This is my final cry
The world is spinning
All to fast
Nothing is clear
Except my past

chorus
Pull me out of this spiral
Save me from myself
What do I do
In this time of need

verse
You reached out and held me
All the comfort I needed
Warm enough to heat
My cold heart

I know that line is cliché but I think it needs to be there maybe not
and thanks for the crit

[Doughnut]

ok im liking the whole repetition thing, have u got any specific structure? choruses, verses? but otherwise it is quite good. it would be good as a song overall i think, with perhaps a few wording changes eg the cold heart bit is a bit poncey, and the song does not seem like a poncey song. onthe other hand i could be completely wrong

[darkskies ahead]

whats poncey

[Doughnut]

wussy, pansie

[darkskies ahead]

ok thanks for the clarification

[Sandtrap]

the biggest thing I would do to help the song flow a little better is to make it rhyme, but I also undertand that its almost impossible sometimes and just really annoying to go back a change a major part of a song. Ofcourse it could make it alot better in the long run.

[Zero Peace]

looks pretty good. nicely worded and not to crowded overall. ill have to agree with sandtrap though, with some ryhmes you could make more of a point. just remember to try not to make the ryhmes forced. ill also agree with doughnut the "my cold heart" line is kind of off. just doesnt fit. by the way what type of music is this for? that always helps. as it stands ill give it an 8/10

[darkskies ahead]

sandtrap i want you to look at this link along with many others who talk about flow http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=6427386#post6427386

[Subliminal_Nirvana]

Its an okay song..kind of blaint but still powerful the the reader..goodjob 7.3/10

[darkskies ahead]

thank you all