Jonahtan
01-24-2005, 04:09 PM
It’s a poem about how dreams are a getaway from bleak lives, but even in sleep we carry over our hopelessness.
The Human Stain-
Once where he stepped sprouted flowers
But now his footsteps raise only dust
The man’s alive but he’s emotionless;
Nihilist, expressionless, void of interpretation
She also one walked though this place, this empty house
Red petals once blushed on her cheeks
Where skeletal gray now resides
She’s lost in this world as tears part the dust on her face
No one lives here anymore in this empty shelter
Where the paint is flaking off and the carpet is peeling over
The walls are emotionless, colorless, and without decoration
But we’ve all wandered here tonight for a short retreat;
A respite from our stagnant lives
Let us lie here tonight
Rather than sleep in a bed we hate
Let us cry here tonight
Rather than weep about our fate
And let us die here tonight
Rather than writhe in a rotting world
. .
In the morning we will be dragged from this place in chains
Changed, perhaps, by a night of freedom
Our disillusioned minds will evoke memories of that night
And until we can sleep again we will dwell in those beautiful thoughts
Eternally bitter because, even in dreams, we cannot escape that stain saturated in our minds
Because, even in our memories, that feeling of distain remains;
Lingering like smoke from the ashes of an ancient fire.
I’m not entirely sure about the 4th stanza, I like it and I think it flows well but im not sure if a rhyming section fits. Of course, as a writer I am my worst critic. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I will crit for crit.
PS: The title The Human Stain is not mine. It is a title of a movie which has nothing to do with the poem. I just thought that it fit with the idea.
The Human Stain-
Once where he stepped sprouted flowers
But now his footsteps raise only dust
The man’s alive but he’s emotionless;
Nihilist, expressionless, void of interpretation
She also one walked though this place, this empty house
Red petals once blushed on her cheeks
Where skeletal gray now resides
She’s lost in this world as tears part the dust on her face
No one lives here anymore in this empty shelter
Where the paint is flaking off and the carpet is peeling over
The walls are emotionless, colorless, and without decoration
But we’ve all wandered here tonight for a short retreat;
A respite from our stagnant lives
Let us lie here tonight
Rather than sleep in a bed we hate
Let us cry here tonight
Rather than weep about our fate
And let us die here tonight
Rather than writhe in a rotting world
. .
In the morning we will be dragged from this place in chains
Changed, perhaps, by a night of freedom
Our disillusioned minds will evoke memories of that night
And until we can sleep again we will dwell in those beautiful thoughts
Eternally bitter because, even in dreams, we cannot escape that stain saturated in our minds
Because, even in our memories, that feeling of distain remains;
Lingering like smoke from the ashes of an ancient fire.
I’m not entirely sure about the 4th stanza, I like it and I think it flows well but im not sure if a rhyming section fits. Of course, as a writer I am my worst critic. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I will crit for crit.
PS: The title The Human Stain is not mine. It is a title of a movie which has nothing to do with the poem. I just thought that it fit with the idea.