Symbiont Species

[Accentopus]

Union, bound by
Fear of revolt,
A web of retention,
One flawless fault

Dependance on the other,
Yet can a cell really trust?
Cradles of ambition,
Covalently form lust

(Chorus)
Symbiont Species,
Split, nothing left alive
Dwelling on another's views,
Desparation to survive,
Prepared to condemn,
The remains to memory,
Repellent of attraction,
An age of jealously

(Interlude)
The bonds have been broken
A biased equilibrium
Controlling the other's fate

(Chorus)

Demise of commitment,
Personal gain at stake,
Relying on a saviour,
An easy error to make

And as the moonlight strengthens,
Reflecting off the shore,
Betrayal has caused an end,
Symbiosis is no more



This was based upon an idea of Symbiosis, or the ability for two organisms to live off each other. This probably won't make sense to some of you, and is a first attempt at this this, so I doubt i have put these ideas across in a clear way. Crits and Advice would be welcome, give me a link and i will do the same.

Thanks
Chris

[Fernandes Power]

I totally get them dude, I think theyre very good and I hope the rest of Ceasefire are happy with them.

Dont change 'em cuz theyre ****in good :thumb:

[Jonahtan]

Very cool idea, there are a few parts that are a little out of context maybe like the end of the chorus "an age of jealousy". Otherwise pretty cool song. Neat idea.
If u want you can crit my poem "The Human Stain".

[Iron_Weed]

Union, bound by
Fear of revolt,
A web of retention,
One flawless fault

Very good, last line maybe slightly off tho. Don't ask me why.

Dependance on the other,
Yet can a cell really trust?
Cradles of ambition,
Covalently form lust

Great!

(Chorus)
Symbiont Species,
Split, nothing left alive
Dwelling on another's views,
Desparation to survive,
Prepared to condemn,
The remains to memory,
Repellent of attraction,
An age of jealously

Great again!

(Interlude)
The bonds have been broken
A biased equilibrium
Controlling the other's fate

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Chorus)

Demise of commitment,
Personal gain at stake,
Relying on a saviour,
An easy error to make

Last line is slightly awkward imo. Otherwise still great.

And as the moonlight strengthens,
Reflecting off the shore,
Betrayal has caused an end,
Symbiosis is no more

Now this last stanza I don't like very much. I think it is quite weak and uninteresting in comparison to the rest of your song and IMO is not a strong ending.

Well with the exclusion of the last stanza I thought this was awesome. I really enjoyed this.

9/10

If you have some spare time would you mind critin this?
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293472

[Accentopus]

Thanks for the crits. I have done my best to crit you all also. If anyone wants to leave a comment, i will appreciate more feedback

Rep for anyone who crits :lol: