Super-Ego + Alchohol = Ego - Inhibitions

[Burningwater]

Now listen here to this epic tale
a war inducing mental hell

Dawn breaks with a gunshot
Adolf is holding a smoking a barrel
At his feet a liberal lay dead
With a sign saying love

The dictatorship inside my mind
With the Super-Ego out of control
Riot control is running amok
Instinct never had a chance

The jail door slams
Josef is holding the key
Rotting inside Martin resides
With a tatoo that says peace

The dictatorship inside my mind
With the Super-Ego ruling above
Riot control is running amok
Instinct never had a chance

Riding in on a mule
A man is greeted with praise
A savior and redeemer of all
Salvation through alchohol

Bleagh, I dunno how this is gonna turn out, it's one of those I write where I dunno if it's gonna turn out good or bad...Post your songs and I'll get to them as soon as I can.

[IOWNU200]

sorry for sounding stupid, but i got a little confused as to what was going on, a little help maybe? I can then more accuarately give you a crit

[Burningwater]

Alright, here's the deal. The super-ego's the part of your mind that sets up all the rules and boundaries. Adolf (Hitler) and Josef (Stalin) are meant to represent the rampant super-ego in my head. Martin (Luther King Jr.) and the liberal are meant to represent the id, which is your instinct. In my case, alchohol smacks the super-ego in the face allowing my instinct to come forth. Finally, the ego is the concious mind you get when you mix the super-ego and the id. So the title means, Alchohol lets me do what I really desire to, because most or all of my inhibitions are gone. I hope this makes sense...

[IOWNU200]

Wow, good thing I asked. I now realize this pieces genious. I like it alot. a good idea backed with some good writing. Symbolism, ect. Hats off my friend.

[sparkylp2002]

Well i must say this piece is quite creative. I like your idea you have behind here. I really like the verse

Dawn breaks with a gunshot
Adolf is holding a smoking a barrel
At his feet a liberal lay dead
With a sign saying love

That verse i had really good flow to it. I also like the verse you use to end off this piece with. It seems to give a nice solid conclusion to it. One thing i think you could change is "Freedom attained through alchohol" i think that you could of phrased that a bit better. Another thing i didnt lke was how you used "The dictatorship inside my mind" to open up two verses here, i wasnt too fond of that.

In the verse
The dictatorship inside my mind
With the Super-Ego out of control
Riot control is running amok
Instinct never had a chance

I didnt like how you used control twice, that seemed to throw off the flow a tad bit. Good job on this piece.

Score 8/10

Thanks for the crit on my piece.

[Burningwater]

Alright, it's been edited. So I'm gonna knock this thread up.