Lock the Doors, the Salesmen are Coming!

[factor46]

Lock the Doors, the Salesmen are Coming!

Marching across the ballroom floor,
The tile so shiny, I could almost see my face.
Trapped inside a four-walled room, completely made of marble.
Now that I’m here, I might as well learn to dance.
Step by step, minute by minute,
Doing the tango by myself can’t be too difficult.
You’d think I’d be getting the hang of it by now.
But I guess some things are just meant to be left unlearned.
So help me up, I’ve fallen.
Unfortunately there’s no one to hear my exclamation,
So I think I’ll just lie here staring at the disco ball hanging from the ceiling in it’s sparkly fashion,
But the hard floor isn’t too comfortable to my head.

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As you may have figured out, (with no help from
the confusing title) I wrote this song about an
unsuccessful attempt to learn to dance. I'll write about
anything these days....lol. Please crit. :D

[Mine]

I certainly thought by looking at the title that it may be a political song. Very interesting. I like the idea a lot. I'm not a master at constructive critisism or critiquism (even a word?), but it's cool. :cool:

"Marching across the ballroom floor,
The tile so shiny, I could almost see my face.
Trapped inside a four-walled room, completely made of marble."

You must live in a nice house. :amaze:

[factor46]

Thanks. I hate politics. :D

[Mine]

Yep, me too. You could fit what I know about them on the back of a stamp. :rolleyes:

[factor46]

I actually know quite a bit about them....but I still hate them. The government annoys me. Bush is better than Kerry woulda been though...

[BlacklightGuitarist]

Screw politics. Iraq needed to be done, and while Bush's reasons were rather silly, it was a means to an end. The world will be a better place. As for the song (which is, funnily enough, why we're here), I like all of it, except for "marble." It just seems a little big and ugly. "Stone" would be slightly better, I think... Otherwise, good job.

[factor46]

Lol. Thanks.


And there's a reason why I put "marble" rather than any other word...