"Calling Us(Resist It)" crit

[Arrakakaka]

Crit,crit,CRIT!This is the first one ive written,and its pretty slow.The words carry on long in the chorus,just to let you know.
"Calling Us (Resist It)”

Verse 1
So our bodies crumble
Cave in to all
Live a life of pain (resist)
To recreate and
Come alive
We're realizing

Now...

Chorus
It’s time to leave
Sickened
Again
It’s calling us
To stay
Resist

Verse 2
Our bodies caved and
Left for dead
The tormenting pain(resist)
And now we're dying
No need for strength
Lived another night

When..

Chorus 2
It’s time to leave
Sickened
Again
It’s calling us
To stay
Resist
We will fall
Please don’t
Give in
Time is up
Crippled
And burned

Break
(must resist…)x8
Verse 3
It's all dead and
Wasted now
Life is no more(resist)
And to think we’ve won
We emerge to see
The sickness that beholds..
Us..
( do chorus #2)
Outro
It’s over..(repeat & fade out)


Its my first time,so I'm not sure about it..Dont be too hard on me :smash:

[Blue Light Special]

It is alright. Nothing extremely good, but not too bad either. I believe you need to work on the flow and the structure. It seems a bit choppy. However the lyrics seem to have emotion and meaning to them. So it's a good try, but it needs a little work.

Now, being the bassist does not mean you cannot write music. Roger Waters from Pink Floyd and Paul McCartney from The Beatles both played bass and wrote a considerable amount of music for thier respective bands.

[Arrakakaka]

Thanks,yeah ill work on it.

[--Attaboy_Skip--]

Good song, I agree entirely with what Blue Light Special said. Work on your flow and structure. 7/10

Could you also crit my song, On The Other Side Of The Wall?
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=291272
Thanks!