lucid dream , i havent finished it!

[dracma]

this are just the first 2 verses of a song i am writing what do u think of it? and should i change something? thanks for any help you could suggest :thumb:


As I drift away through the bluish light
Your velvet touch it fondles me as I step inside
My universal sleep, once again it's calling me
I wait for the proper moment to venture into the dream

Drink from this fountain, built from a heart of stone
The waters pouring through it are the dreams
I walk along Drink from this fountain, built from a heart of stone
Lucid dream desire

[Jonahtan]

You know, ive read 3 of your pieces today and have enjoyed them all. Not only do you have talent with writing but you also are full of ideas. This is a good combination. Keep churning em out and we'll keep on readin them. This pieve looks promising, post the rest when it's finnished.

[dracma]

haha thanx man , i really enjoy writing stuff and i only 15 yrs . but age dsoent matter y have been writing since 11 and i love to!

[Jonahtan]

Yea im 16 and write alot, check out my poem "The Human Stain"

[darkskies ahead]

ill crit when you finish mine is time of need