My songs

[punka]

Love song

I remember the first time we met
You looked so hot I couldn’t forget
When I saw your face
It took me away to a better place

I gonna make you mine
Cos your so fine
Darling your just divine
So please say your mine

This is just another corny love song
But I love you is that wrong?
So what I wanna share
My feelings to people that don’t care

I don’t care if they think I’m lame
Or even gone a bit insane
You’re all I care about
And I wanna shout it out

I gonna make you mine
Cos your so fine
Darling your just divine
So please say your mine

If I cant have you
I don’t want anybody
I want you to know
You’re the one for me


**** the Fashion

You dot have to be like them
You don’t have to follow their trends
Be yourself and be true
That’s the best thing you can do

**** the fashion
Say it with a passion
**** the fashion
Say it with a passion

Wear what you want to wear
Be what you want to be
Act how you want to act
And don’t give in to authority

**** them if they don’t like you
Your true friends will stick by you
You are what you are
Not what they tell you, you are

**** the fashion
Say it with a passion
**** the fashion
Say it with a passion

You have a voice
Remember it’s your choice

[Devil Inferno]

I remember the first time we met
You looked so hot I couldn’t forget
When I saw your face
It took me away to a better place

Quite ok, 2nd line is way too straightfoward, like talking to a friend "dude, she's so hot!". make it more like a song. last line was a better one. 5/10


I gonna make you mine
Cos your so fine
Darling your just divine
So please say your mine

Hm...first to lines are cliched. 3rd line was unexpected, its kind of funny, made me chuckle. Last line, don't repeat the idea of "being mine". 5/10

This is just another corny love song
But I love you is that wrong?
So what I wanna share
My feelings to people that don’t care

ok, i'd rather you not mention the first line at all. its very obvious already, stating that worsens the situation. 2nd line :"But i love you , is that wrong?"
3rd line doesn't make sense, perhaps you meant "So what if i wanna share" 5/10

I don’t care if they think I’m lame
Or even gone a bit insane
You’re all I care about
And I wanna shout it out

2nd line : "or even a little insane"
5/10

I gonna make you mine
Cos your so fine
Darling your just divine
So please say your mine

If I cant have you
I don’t want anybody
I want you to know
You’re the one for me

That's so typical teenager talk. don't get me wrong, i'm one too, i understand how you feel here. 5/10


**** the Fashion

You dont have to be like them
You don’t have to follow their trends
Be yourself and be true
That’s the best thing you can do

A better verse here, more refined, more sound. 6/10

**** the fashion
Say it with a passion
**** the fashion
Say it with a passion

try not to swear in songs, that'd make you look more skilled in songwriting.

Wear what you want to wear
Be what you want to be
Act how you want to act
And don’t give in to authority


5/10

**** them if they don’t like you
Your true friends will stick by you
You are what you are
Not what they tell you, you are

Last 2 lines are way too focused on "being what you are". the last 2 "you are" is not necessary. 5/10

**** the fashion
Say it with a passion
**** the fashion
Say it with a passion

You have a voice
Remember it’s your choice

51%. i was quite leninent in giving the scores..well this is a typical song teenagers will be able to connect to. I know how writing this, the emotions behind it all feels, i wrote a piece like this before, just that you're much better :) the rhymes will seem forced if its in another song, but in this, it really doesn't seem so, as the foundations of the verse structure is built on "forced rhymes" and these still make sense.

well, an ok song i think, i'm afraid i can't say anything else, the song is what the way it is, you'd need to re-write the entire thing if you want to change it.

if you want to crit my latest work, give a reply, and i'd link you.

[TheSeeker625]

This is the second song I've read today that sounds like an Ashlee Simpson song. I hate this kind of ****, it's so bad. Cliched, corny, unemotional, uninspiring, vapid, CRAP.
Punk posers get goose eggs in my book,
0/10

[Iron_Weed]

Honestly terrible. Completely cliched, terrible forced rhyming, pointless and awful. I can't really see a line with any originality. Can't be bothered looking at your second song but try and put a little more thought and meaning into next song you write.