Splits and Shatters

[The_One]

Here's a song about a kid who really irritates me. He's a real pain.

Splits and Shatters
Dan, why are you such a righteous prick? Why don’t you just stick your head in the ground? If you’d ask, I’ll gladly grab my hammer and batter it in for you. Just pay the shipping in advance sometime and I’ll see what I can do. Why always drag people down with you? Drastic moods and cluttering thoughts, I’m so sick and tired of your lame excuses. Muddle in the mud alone sometimes. I wish I could just push you off a cliff and watch you hang down by your fingernails. Watch them split and shatter, you’d sag and fall and I’ll be laughing my head off. Amused with your earsplitting screams. Maybe you should take your own advice sometime and stop being such a self-centered prick. Honestly.

[Nightvision]

uh....


*backs away slowly*


thats a.... ... nice.... song...

*bolts for door*



Seriously though - lots of emotion - can't really see any pattern, but there's imagery there. Lots of it, in fact.

Now go take some valium.

[Iron_Weed]

Um...not really sure if this is serious or not but if it is perhaps needs some subtlety? Also don't write as 1 big mess it'll make people less likely 2 crit you.

[d0ped0g]

LOL
well, you critiqued my song so i'll return the favour, even tho this probably isnt the best song to place an opinion on

first off... in order to seperate this song from the angry rant it appears to be, you probably shoulda seperated it into stanza's, just to show that there is some structure behind the aggression portrayed in this peice.

loved the ending "honestly". if it were made as a song, it would really cement in the fact that its directed as a speech towards this dude.

Some good lines, despite the apparent adlib nature of the peice: "Drastic moods and cluttering thoughts" "Watch them split and shatter" "Just pay the shipping in advance sometime and I’ll see what I can do"

Also liked the literary device in "muddle in the mud" but the line needs to be built on more as it lacks depth to its meaning, and needs some extra words to make it roll off the tongue better.

To conclude, all i can say is that... i wouldnt want to be this guy that you're writing about :D