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View Full Version : Three days from tomorrow.


mcs
01-13-2005, 10:37 PM
Time can't go on yet it will never stop,
I'd try to pick up the many pieces I've dropped,
But it's too late, the time is gone,
I'm stuck right here and I can't move on,
If I ever start to move, I'll look for you,
I hope to find you someday and tell you what you never knew,
I'd tell you what I tried to do, how I tried to start new,
but you kept going and I kept slowing,
and that's about when you reached the end and I got scared,
I never used to care but I always feared it,
It got so real once I could see it happen,
I didn't try to stop it, how could I know?
I still don't try to change what has been done,
I would stay chained for eternity to let you go free,
But now that it's happened, I'm glad it wasn't me,
Saying goodbye kills me inside, so why bother say hello?
Every day I tried and every minute I lost,
I would take my own life but at what cost,
If I made you cry my purpose would be undone,
The very reason I gave up would be set up anew,
And I would have no choice but to come back and comfort you,
My mind lays waste and my soul is leaking,
But I can start to heal as soon as I see you speaking,
You gave up what I gave you so that we could be together,
You gave me back my gift so I could survive this bad weather,
If I ever look back, what will I see?
Not sadness, not hate, not loneliness or sorrow,
I will have forgotten this nightmare, three days from tomorrow.

bassaholica2004
01-13-2005, 10:44 PM
Whoa, this is good man. The first and last parts are the best I think. I love the first parts of the song, it gives off such a feeling of frustration. The end is very good too, lots of desperation and immolation. I love it when people can write about love, yet not focus on the love itself but the feelings that spawn from it. Good job dude. 9/10.

The_One
01-13-2005, 11:53 PM
It's really cliched and portrayed in an unoriginal way. Maybe add in more creative metaphors and other types of figurative language. Take out the unimportant stuff and shorten your piece up a bit. Right now, for a song, I think it's a bit too long and cluttered up with too much unnecessary/cliched info.

6/10