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Sergio
01-13-2005, 09:29 PM
Please, give your thoughts and such about these lyrics, it would be much appreciated to get some feedback on them, as I have almost no clue why I wrote them, they just came out of me at random, so, yeah, have fun.

"The City of the Dead"

16 years have come and past,
Now it's time to go.
Can't find the words to say,
Seen it all before.

Tears seem to fall like rain
This will never end
When you lost all the love and care
What have you got left?

In the city of the dead
Not a voice is heard
Shattered glass and broken dreams
I can't take any more.

In the city of the dead
No one knows and no one cares
It takes its toll on the weak
Who are never heard again


*note: Each of those are meant to be verses, with bridges/solos/jams in between each one, so the lyrics really don't have much to do with the structure.

Nightvision
01-13-2005, 09:42 PM
You've been listening to too much of Green Day's new album. :)

You plucked lines from about 5 different songs in there, and it showed.

Sergio
01-13-2005, 09:48 PM
Yeha, I realized that. Though, they kinda did steal some of my ideas for my concept album, rotten good for nothings!j/k But yeah, I just wrote the lyrics to go with the melody of the music, and I'm not even sure if they're the words I'm looking for, but they captured the mood of the music and what i was feeling well. but yeah, it will definatley be re-written, a possibly with a slightly different meaning.

thirdeyeblindislit
01-13-2005, 09:49 PM
Yeah, it wasnt that bad, but there were green day lines in there. I'm sure if you rewrite it, it will be a great song. :thumb:

espf-250htd06
01-13-2005, 10:03 PM
i like the idea but just didnt do with it much in the city of the dead is awesome but this is way to short to get the point across and idk just doesnt come off as very emotional
sorry i might be to you but just didnt say much to me

overall 6.5/10 check out my song desert of deiliah thanks cya

The_One
01-14-2005, 12:05 AM
Yeah, heavy Green Day influence felt here. I don't like the way you state things. Very cliched and unoriginal. The topic is a bit interesting though. Unfortunately, you failed to portray it in a unique or catchy manner so I couldn't really enjoy it.

6/10

Sword2020
01-14-2005, 05:35 PM
One other note, not too important, but the title is a Clash song.

thirdeyeblindislit
01-14-2005, 05:43 PM
Is it? Oh yeah!

Burningwater
01-14-2005, 10:37 PM
Argg...life...draining...
First some one completely rips a few Tool songs ( that "Forty-three & 7" song the guy made...ugh) now Green Day. Now I'm going to go listen to some Miles Davis, so no one can rip the lyrics( there are none, hah!)

TheSeeker625
01-14-2005, 10:41 PM
NO, "influenced" is an understatement. You just plain old ripped it off.
At least you admitted it though, so, 5/10.