The final drop

[Floydfanatic]

a warm feeling
numbing memories
grasping tightly
to disposable security

the final drop
but the rides not done
closed eyes
silent guns

a broken mirror
distorts the view
of an old photo
someone i never knew

he's got a treasure chest
but lost the key
he's got open eyes
but it's painful to see

broken glass
smiles with glee
points and laughs
at a painful memory

this song means a lot to me. it's about a good friend of mine.

[IOWNU200]

**** man, i think this is the first time i've ever read any of your stuff, and i must say i'm impressed. You're very clever. I really enjoyed reading this. Every lines serves a really good purpose i think. You didn't really waste anything. My absolute favoirte verse though was this:
he's got a treasure chest
but lost the key
he's got open eyes
but it's painful to see

brilliant man, brilliant

I really have nothing bad to say about this, i look forward to checking out more of your work

[espf-250htd06]

idk the flow here is weird sounds childish or somthing make the verses longer

so my advice get away from the weird flow make it longer and you will have a 8.5/10



right now 6.9/10

cya lata check out some of my stuff somtime thanks

[estel]

The imagery in there is incredible - simple, powerful, fits the song really well.

I don't know about sounding childish, just simple in rhythm. The song is very short, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You obviously have made it long enough to cover everything you wanted to (probably because those images convey a lot in a small space) and I guess there's no reason expanding the song if it's got everything in there it should.

I really like it. Powerful stuff.

[filsaxenophobe]

i think it is great...very good flow...as IOWNU said, you didnt waste any space, every word had a good meaning...
great job
9/10

[Floydfanatic]

thx for the crits everyone

[The_One]

It's an alright song. Maybe a bit too simple. I just don't like how the song ends. It doesn't really seem to do the piece justice. I also think you have too many open ended ideas running around here. Maybe you should tweak this piece up a bit.

7/10