Upon The Grave (edited)

[Mind Revolution]

(verse)
Now lay hear as i look upon the grave
The endless crys of man and night
I feel the cold inside,
Buried with swallowed pride

Now look up to the far and unsure known
The frozen sky begins to cry
For the silence of my sins
Blowing in the wind...

(chorus)
Follow me....
As you plea...
One sacrifice can kill us all
The old and young, all as one
You'll soon forget what you have done

(verse)
Now watch me pass the frozen gates of frost
This forever night will never last
The creeping shadows,
Blinding fog,
All signs of the forever sleep

[bassaholica2004]

This is pretty good. A bit short, but what is here is good. I didn't like the last line in the last verse as much, but a little work can fix that. But yeah, just make it longer and this can be a great song. 7/10.

[The_One]

Technically, it's good, but it doesn't really catch me. I guess it's alright. Theme is a tad bit confusing. A lot of open ended ideas running here. Maybe you should tie them together.

7/10

[Mind Revolution]

theyre my first attempt at lyrics, so thanks.