A walk to the fair with a black scarf and my face full of hair

[metaliq]

(comments: It isnt completed... me and my friend are doing a two piece acoustic band called Orphanarium so we can play at the school talent show, and I wanted to write a funny song... Let me know what you think, I think it will sound better performed. Also, it isnt completely done. So if you wanna just give me a yay or nay that would be great!)




___|A Walk To The Fair With A Black Scarf And My Face Full Of Hair

So feel better emo kid,
Cheer up ol' chap...
17 years down, if you're lucky
You have 63 left

That's 27% done, comlpeted, almost there
Maybe another scarf would warm your neck
Because obviously no one cares
Naw I’m just kidding, I love you
But in a completely sympathetically way
You know, puppy dogish, its true

I don’t like when dogs die, mine died once, it was sad
Puppy dogs are cute, I like to hug them
Unless their hair is all hard and not soft
Then they are embraced uncomfterably, and that's bad

So feel better emo kid,
Cheer up ol' chap...
17 years down, if you're lucky
You have 63 left

Hey hey hey
Emo kid, yeah yeah yeah

Black streaked hair...
Life's pointless, not fair
They think less then you
What will you do
Buy new old shoes?
I think that's cool
Only black, not red pink or blue

So feel better emo kid,
Cheer up ol' chap...
17 years down, if you're lucky
You have 63 left

Hey hey hey
Emo kid, yeah yeah yeah

[hdrobot_mdp]

Gets funnier everytime i read it. 8/10

[H to the ickle]

It's kind of funny but while you are writing a song making fun of the Emo cliche, you're using every parody cliche in the book.

Don't expect much at that talent show.

6/10

[Hammer_of_the_Gods]

First off I like the comical concept of the song. But I think the name is too long, and what does it have to do with the song?

So feel better emo kid,
Cheer up ol' chap...
17 years down, if you're lucky
You have 63 left

I'm not sure how I like a song starting out with 'so.' This works later in the song but not in the beggining. Maybe just don't start with the chorus? The second line is okay but something else could be used. And the concept of the 17 years past is good, but ending the second line with "left" doesn't seem to work.


That's 27% done, comlpeted, almost there
Maybe another scarf would warm your neck
Because obviously no one cares
Naw I’m just kidding, I love you
But in a completely sympathetically way
You know, puppy dogish, its true

The first 3 lines are good in this verse. I like them. One suggestion would be to change "no one cares" to "no one to care" so it rhymes with the first line, but you don't really need this. It would just add to it's strength.

The last three lines, however, don't flow as well or sound as good. Their kinda funny as they make fun of the emo kid but don't live up to the first half of the verse.


I don’t like when dogs die, mine died once, it was sad
Puppy dogs are cute, I like to hug them
Unless their hair is all hard and not soft
Then they are embraced uncomfterably, and that's bad

The first line is okay and fits the theme but the other lines just kinda ramble on. I'd suggest new lines here but, meh.


Hey hey hey
Emo kid, yeah yeah yeah

meh...........might work


Black streaked hair...
Life's pointless, not fair
They think less then you
What will you do
Buy new old shoes?
I think that's cool
Only black, not red pink or blue

This verse is pretty good. A few of the line might need to go or be changed (last 2) but I like most of them. "Buy new shoes" sound's like a great smbol for something. This verse would work though with no changes.


In all it's a funny song as it makes fun of the emo kids and tries to cheer them up. It lacks in many places but with some fixing it could turn out to be a pretty good song for a talent show.
5/10

[metaliq]

Exactly the point. I could care less about the meaning of the lyrics, seeing as it is hard to be unique on something that only goes so deep. Yea, I make sense... because I honestly have nothing wrong with the emo clique, but I ran outta topics. I wrote about car tires but it sounded to sexual so I wouldnt want to sing it in front of everyones parents.

See, no one knows the emo style at our school, so we are just having fun and jamming out acoustic style. Except for a few kids... who already got a kick out of it.

[metaliq]

Hey hey hey
Emo kid, yeah yeah yeah

meh...........might work



Hehe, the yea yea yea is almost a blatent rip off of the beatles by the way (she love you yea yea yea).

And the rambling part was intentional, because I think rambling is funny.