Finding the good

[splashfreak]

Hey guys, I haven't posted a song in a while, been having major writer's block... This is my first attempt in quite some time (or at least, the first attempt I am not embarassed of). Its a pretty straightforward theme, but I don't think it is TO cliche or overused. But then again thats what ayou guys are going to tell me... lol



The window is cracked
The rain seeps through
The faucet leaks
What are you gonna do?

You trip and you fall
Break every bone
The long road back
Is full of moans and groans

Your friend has forgotten
What he meant to you
Will he remember
Or are you through?

Your body is hurting
Pain all around
But though evil tries
It can’t bring you down

‘Cause you will find
The good in the bad
You will stay alive
Despite every trial
And you can find
Joy in the sad
You will answer
A frown with a smile

The window the breeze affords
Hits your heated skin
The freezing water
Doesn’t shatter your day

Other friends know you
And what you mean to all
The other might come through
But this time, you will not fall

Pain can be overcome
Infections exorcised
Evil can try, yes evil can try
But you will conquer, do not die



‘Cause you will find
The good in the bad
You will stay alive
Despite every trial
And you can find
Joy in the sad
You will answer
A frown with a smile

Though anger comes easily
And despair seems so right
Don’t just lay down
Continue the fight
Some call it silver lining
But that’s never been my taste
You can be robbed and pilfered
But through it all there’s grace

‘Cause you will find
The good in the bad
You will stay alive
Despite every trial
And you can find
Joy in the sad
You will answer
A frown with a smile

As with all of my songs these lyrics are made to fit a song that my guitarist has written. So if the flow seems out of whack... Well, it is made to fit a song.

[Devilinferno2]

The window is cracked
The rain seeps through
The faucet leaks
What are you gonna do?

Creativity : No comments.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : Quite simple, but straightfoward. An ok start.
Flow : Present. No comments.
Verse structure : Quite a good rhyme there, doesn't seem too forced.
Atmosphere created : Feels like a rainy day, and someone is thinking of some situation. (??)

6/10


You trip, you fall
Break every bone
The long road back
Is full of moans and groans

Creativity : No comments.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : Quite good, potraying how the journey before was hard, etc.
Flow : A weird flow, but can be accepted.
Verse structure : 2nd line : "sand break every bone". Last line, the "is" seems out of place, either omit it, or do something to the sentence structure.
Atmosphere created : no comments.

5.5/10

Your friend has forgotten
What he meant to you
Will he remember
Or are you through?

Creativity : No comments.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : First 2 lines are confusing. rewrite.
Flow : Last line seems out of place. Its too abrupt.
Verse structure : See Flow.
Atmosphere created : no comments.

5/10

Your mouth is hurting
Infected again
But though evil tries
It can’t bring you down

Creativity : No comments.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : no comments.
Flow : Last 2 lines completly throws the flow off from the first 2. they don't link, and connect.
Verse structure : See Flow.
Atmosphere created : No comments.

4/10

‘Cause you will find
The good in the bad
You will stay alive
Despite every trial
And you can find
Joy in the sad
You will answer
A frown with a smile

Creativity : "frown with a smile" was quite a good one.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : A better verse here. Good one.
Flow : No comments. No breaks.
Verse structure : See bolded : "Joy in sadness". A grammar mistake here.
Atmosphere created : No comments.

6.5/10

The window the breeze affords
Hits your heated skin
The freezing water
Doesn’t shatter your day

Creativity : Last 2 lines are quite ok.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : No comments.
Flow : No comments.
Verse structure : What does the 1st line mean?
Atmosphere created : No comments.

5/10

You might be broken
But you're just hungry for more
Your power may have left you
But you'll come back stronger than before

Creativity : No comments.
Emotions : No comments.
Idea/Storyline/potrayal of ideas : You need to rewrite last 2 lines.. Its very hard to understand the idea behind it. First 2 are ok.
Flow : No comments.
Verse structure : No comments
Atmosphere created : no comments.

5/10


Other friends know you
And what you mean to them
The other might come through
Either way, it won’t ruin your day

This one gave me a "criter's block" its not THAT horrible, but i just suddenly can't crit this part here.

Pain can be overcome
Infections exorcised
Evil can try, yes evil can try
But you will conquer, do not die

1st line : .......be overcomed
2nd line : and infections.....
kind of good themes here.

6/10



‘Cause you will find
The good in the bad
You will stay alive
Despite every trial
And you can find
Joy in the sad
You will answer
A frown with a smile

Though anger comes easily
And despair seems so right
Don’t just lay down
Continue the fight
Some call it silver lining
But that's never been my taste
You can be robbed, beaten
But through it all there’s grace

Simple but a great verse. I like this one. 7/10

‘Cause you will find
The good in the bad
You will stay alive
Despite every trial
And you can find
Joy in the sad
You will answer
A frown with a smile

55%. Some good verses here and there, some needs to be rewritten.

[splashfreak]

WOW. Big critique. Thanks. I have changed some of the parts, will update it when I get the chance.

[cerbius]

Its kind of evident that u had seemed to be having sum sort of writers block.......dont take this in a bad way, but i think the beginning is very week, but as you progressed towards the end it got considerably better....the flow was...decent, but i think maybe u should work on the ...maturity of the piece as a whole.....give it some reworking, and it could be great.

[thirdeyeblindislit]

Well I like the meatphors alot in here. It was amazing. There is no doubt that it's long enough. :lol: My favorite verse in here has to be the third verse. I like the whole message. I dont think that I have read something like this in a long time. I am making you an honorable mention. I already gave my award out, but this deserves something. Nice job and keep it up. :thumb: 9/10.

Please crit my song - Anthem of our crying children part one modern suburban tragety.
Thanks. :chug:

[splashfreak]

Thanks for the crits guys. I edited it now.