needs new opening line can any1 help

[natta]

can any1 help i need to change the first two lines marked with the *

if seeing you wil kill me*
then i hope i die*
and if hurting me will heal you
watch me as i cry
and when i said that i loved you
i swear i didnt lie
and every second that im not with you
is killing me inside

now that its alright
wont you stay with me tonight
so i can hold you close
and i can take all your pain away

will you be there as my dreams fade
will you see me when you close your eyes
when your crying i will be there
i will comfort you........
and if i knew when my time would end
i would make my last minutes be with you
just listening to the beating of your heart
so i will know we will never part

now that its alright
wont you stay with me tonight
coz tomorrow's already gone
and when your around me nothing's wrong

now that its alright
wont you stay with me tonight
coz tomorrow's already gone
and when your around me nothing's wrong

[The_One]

I'm not too sure about the first two lines. But as for the piece it's very unoriginal, and portrayed in a cliched manner. I think you're too straightforward so you don't use any really serious imagery. Try harder next time.

5/10

[the_mikkiedeeze_rock]

Hmmmmm..... how about.....

If loving you can harm me,
Then soon I will die.

I like the song a bit unoriginal.... I would of gone into more depth with emotions, just so its not the same as the other songs like that. 6/10