no name please rat it! and help me put a title to the song

[dracma]

Along the roads I've travelled on
I have never reached the end
Alone in life for centuries
Or so to me it seems
A love was lost some miles ago
But the word will take her place
I've looked perfection in the eyes
And our features were not the same

Ou your shoulders , resting on them
The stones of years has set
Now your learning, no un-turning
A selfless life to live

What has been and things to come
I thought mine eyes had seen it all
Salvation's sway has brought me here
And now I see it all clear
Turn to me with all your pain
And I'll show you love is real
Cast away the stone of years
And leave this past behind

Screams arise from the turmoil of the past
Night descend
Another day has gone and died

The time has come
For all of us to tell a friend
Father promises us shelter
From our sins

[AForgottenElement]

Along the roads I've travelled on
I have never reached the end
Alone in life for centuries
Or so to me it seems
A love was lost some miles ago
But the word will take her place
I've looked perfection in the eyes
And our features were not the same

good but id rearrange the words on line 4 it just doesnt seem to flow right imo, maybe " or so it seems to me" might be a bit better

Ou your shoulders , resting on them
The stones of years has set
Now your learning, no un-turning
A selfless life to live

Good strong verse i think

What has been and things to come
I thought mine eyes had seen it all
Salvation's sway has brought me here
And now I see it all clear
Turn to me with all your pain
And I'll show you love is real
Cast away the stone of years
And leave this past behind

Id definetly change it to "I thought my eyes had seen it all", Mine just doesnt seem to fit the rest of the song if you know what I mean

Screams arise from the turmoil of the past
Night descend
Another day has gone and died

The time has come
For all of us to tell a friend
Father promises us shelter
From our sins

Very good verses and a nice way to tie the song up, the imagery is very very strong here

Overall a good song that could just use a bit of polishing on a couple of lines

8.5/10

[circlethedrain]

Along the roads I've travelled on
I have never reached the end
Alone in life for centuries
Or so to me it seems
A love was lost some miles ago
But the word will take her place
I've looked perfection in the eyes
And our features were not the same

good but id rearrange the words on line 4 it just doesnt seem to flow right imo, maybe " or so it seems to me" might be a bit better

Ou your shoulders , resting on them
The stones of years has set
Now your learning, no un-turning
A selfless life to live

Good strong verse i think

What has been and things to come
I thought mine eyes had seen it all
Salvation's sway has brought me here
And now I see it all clear
Turn to me with all your pain
And I'll show you love is real
Cast away the stone of years
And leave this past behind

Id definetly change it to "I thought my eyes had seen it all", Mine just doesnt seem to fit the rest of the song if you know what I mean

Screams arise from the turmoil of the past
Night descend
Another day has gone and died

The time has come
For all of us to tell a friend
Father promises us shelter
From our sins

Very good verses and a nice way to tie the song up, the imagery is very very strong here

Overall a good song that could just use a bit of polishing on a couple of lines

8.5/10

Everything he said was spot on :thumb: I think its a good song 7.8/10

[The_One]

I like it. Pretty interesting and original. Nice flow going too. Maybe just awkwards in a few spots, but other then that. Good job.

8/10

[dracma]

thanks guys very much !

[Sword2020]

Good, I ususally hate love songs, but I actually liked this one. THis one wasn't pleading, there wasw no changing of the mind mid song like so many of them have. I'm not big on religion, but to easch his own, and I like how you used it in the song. I would say good, don't change anything, beacuase it seem slike the type of thing that when you change it, it jsut gets worse. Could you crit mine? It is The American Dream. Thanks.