the hourglass

[Floydfanatic]

A lost shadow
in a stirring mind
an early sunset
daylight's crime

the hands don't circle
when your taken away
darkness envelopes
a one sided game

burning pictures
forgeting the past
choking on the sand
of an hourglass

eyes unlocked
staring at the sun
my mind is running
but my legs are numb

burning pictures
forgeting the past
choking on the sand
of an hourglass

you guys know how it works.. a crit for a crit

[thirdeyeblindislit]

Hey,
Well I really liked the chorus. It was very catchy. I also like the flow this song had. It was amazingly well written and I am sorry to say that I havent seen more from you. I may have to check some more of your songs out. All of the metaphors, everything was just beautiful. Fantastic job! :thumb: You win today's 1/12/05 THIRDEYE'S VERDICT AWARD :thumb:. Nice job.

Please crit my song. Anthem of our crying children part 1. Thanks.

[Chaos77Punk]

Eh.. I didn't like it too much. It didn't seem like there was enough variety for my tastes. :P
Nor did it seem like there was much meaning to it besides the chorus, which is obviously wanting to forget the past..
I give it a 2/5.

My song - Brown Eyes, Blue Eyes.

[Floydfanatic]

thx for the crits guys... and it's not about forgetting the past... it's about death... but it can be interpreted diferently to different people...

[The Devices]

i like it...it has a very good flow...what kind of music is it to?

[The_One]

I don't really know why but it just doesn't catch me. The way you put your phrases together just doesn't seem to fit. Like the ideas don't really seem to match up with each other. It also seems that you're bound too tightly by the rhyme scheme. Maybe you should ease off a little. The chorus isn't that solid. It seems cliched. I think your phrases are too simple that you can't really elaborate on anything.

6/10