The Elevator Made One Trip

[pixiesfanyo]

The Elevator Made One Trip

Now all these littered rusty scissors
Finger paint a childish working scene
The lemonade stands are sealed shut
Crowds of under eighteens
Have their hearts burnt clean

A transcended crippled doll
Reached Elysium's angelic gates
The broken gear is spinning
Boyish production self-desecrates
While handprints reincriminate

The fire escape projected
A scene of torn hair and rooftop dives
Mark the hand counted bodies as they split the ground

One for the man hiding behind his blood licked leather chair
One for the policemen who were checking up the bodies
One for the girl who was held back after all the rest
One for the boy left finishing the wheel's final request

The ghost of a child rose from the roof
His bones plastered in the smoke

[The Devices]

woah

not bad...but its not a heartbreak song so it gets like 4 more points..9/10

[AForgottenElement]

you know i gotta say these lyrics remind me so much of early 80s Marillion, very colourful language that never detracts from the song, very very good 9.5/10

[xKONRADx]

Crowds of under eighteens
Have their hearts burnt clean

only part that sounds below your normal level of writing. i think you can see why. also i think you might want to consider changing the word final to last. otherwise i think you have one too many syllables.. unless i counted wrong. anyway it was cool i definately read it a few times. still i think there was one you wrote a couple months ago about a robot and a woman.. that was the best thing i have ever read. but yeah....

[The_One]

I like this. This is pretty interesting. Original, new, and portrayed in a unique way. However,

Boyish production self-desecrates
While handprints reincriminate
The flow seems a bit chunky here. Maybe you could fix it up or something. Other then that, pretty good job.

8/10