My first song, Please Come Back

[EMO4LYFE]

hi guys, tell me what you think. its about losing my girlfriend and wanting her back

Girls should be made out of razorblades,
It would save me a the effort.
After nights spent without her crying,
My wrists always hurt, oh oh oh.

You said you loved me,
Why did you leave?
You said you'd always be there,
Well that promise was empty, yeah.

Now I'm lying in a bathtub,
Surrounded by guilty thoughts,
Reliving everything second,
My head is tied into knots.

You said you loved me,
Why did you leave?
You said you'd always be there,
Well that promise was empty, yeah.

Please come back,
Please come back,
Please come back.
Oh oh oh...

[toomuchhorrorbusiness]

i personally dont like them, but their ok for emo. dont ever say your crying in a song. it sucsk.

[amp7325]

It's very too the point. I like the first two lines... except for the world "girls." It sounds a little too... cute (?) to me. Maybe instead, say "She should have been made out of razor blades/that would have saved me the effort." Something like that. Otherwise, it's not a bad song, just a little bit weak and unoriginal. But like I posted in someone else's song, you can't always be original, since music's been around for so long.

6.5/10

[xKONRADx]

lol, this is actually kind of good. though emo sucks ***. you have some good imagery. the only thing is if i was ever at a concert and i heard you sing this id have to kick your ***. then id have to kick my *** for being at that lame of a concert. little girls should dig it though.

[xKONRADx]

ps, it should be longer. but then again you could just start crying for a min and a half towards the end. and just have your band keep playing. actually i like my idea better. dont make it longer. just start crying.

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

this is a poor excuse for a song, go cut yourself

0/10

[amp7325]

Well... no need to be rude...

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

this is a poor excuse for a song, go cut yourself

0/10

123

[metaliq]

So whats up guys? How ya'll been?

[xKONRADx]

So whats up guys? How ya'll been?
****ing awesome
so i wish there was still a community thread. oh well, i guess i get more homework done. actually i dont. i get less done. this sucks. wtf am i doing even living anymore? good thing this is in emo's thread, otherwise i would be afraid my bitching would degrade the quality of the thread.

[The_One]

lol, this is actually kind of good. though emo sucks ***. you have some good imagery. the only thing is if i was ever at a concert and i heard you sing this id have to kick your ***. then id have to kick my *** for being at that lame of a concert. little girls should dig it though.

123-- I mean. Bad crit. Try harder next time. :lol:

Well as for the piece it's really cliched. The idea is very unoriginal and the imagery is vague and bland. The only think I like is the flow. It's smooth for the most part.

5/10

[xKONRADx]

123-- I mean. Bad crit. Try harder next time. :lol:

Well as for the piece it's really cliched. The idea is very unoriginal and the imagery is vague and bland. The only think I like is the flow. It's smooth for the most part.

5/10
WELL YOU CAN JUST EAT ME

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

i shall smite you konrad, unless you bow down to my omnipotence

[mr.starr]

extreme clichè

[xKONRADx]

i shall smite you konrad, unless you bow down to my impotence
what was that?

[EMO4LYFE]

thank you amp, and to the rest of you i just want to say that you might want to consider other peoples feelings when you comment on their work. also most of the comments you make arent even about my song. maybe you all should read the rules thread. jerks.

[EMO4LYFE]

this is a poor excuse for a song, go cut yourself

0/10
especially to you sonnet, you are a poor exuse for a human being. i hope you cut YOURSELF! how do you like that for a comeback? huh b/tch?!

[xKONRADx]

id have to kick your ***.
i was serious. maybe you need to stop posting.

[Nightvision]

uhm... Emo4lyfe - that's a cruddy comeback.

[Nicktf69]

i did not like dont talk about crying in ur song and plus the topic is over used crying about your girlfriend make a new topic plz 3/10

[Nightvision]

:lol::lol::lol::lol:


Nothing against Nick here, but he has Dashboard Confessional in his usertitle and even HE thinks it's too sappy, so take a hint emo4lyfe...


(As i said, nothing personal Nick - I also listen to DC from time to time, although I have to admit it's not very often.)

[metaliq]

Whats Cracin Homeskillets?!1/?

[EMO4LYFE]

But does dashboard talk about cool things like razor blades and dying?

No, they talk about girls. GIRLS GIRLS GILRS. It would be better if he killd himself b/c of it. Then we wouldnt have to hear his whiney lyrics.

NM Metaliq, yourself?

[Nightvision]

But does dashboard talk about cool things like razor blades and dying?

You think these things are cool?

You really are the most stupid human being alive.

Razorblades are not cool - dying is even less so. The only ****-ups who use razorblades are the stupid little attention-seekers who cut their upper arms and legs (well away from arteries and stuff, mind - they wouldn't want to actually hurt themselves). People like you make me sick of liking emo because it gives all the narrow-minded idiots who say "emo is all about slitting your wrists and crying" use morons like you as their examples. I'm starting to dislike fake emo kids even more than goth poetry.

Take a look around this forum - browse through a few songs - sooner or later you'll find an EXACT CARBON COPY of your song - about your imaginary ex-girlfriend, and about you 'slitting your wrists' - you're simply recycling the same tired **** that no-one liked the first time around.

Try listening to some REAL emo - Jimmy Eat World, Funeral For a Friend, Finch - have you even heard of these bands?

[toomuchhorrorbusiness]

thank you amp, and to the rest of you i just want to say that you might want to consider other peoples feelings when you comment on their work. also most of the comments you make arent even about my song. maybe you all should read the rules thread. jerks.

feelings are for emos. emos suck.

[toomuchhorrorbusiness]

thank you amp, and to the rest of you i just want to say that you might want to consider other peoples feelings when you comment on their work. also most of the comments you make arent even about my song. maybe you all should read the rules thread. jerks.

and also, maybe you should not be a pus.sy about getting bad crits on a song. some songs suck. yours included. it would be lying to say it wasnt bad.

[xKONRADx]

and also, maybe you should not be a pus.sy about getting bad crits on a song. some songs suck. yours included. it would be lying to say it wasnt bad.
you suck. and if you say anything even slightly negative towards emo4lyfe ever again on this forum i will personally kick your ***, internet style... that is of course as long as emo4lyfe accepts full bitch status...





like he has a choice :lol: