Love Lost Song - Please Critique

[jester589]

Here are some lyrics of a song I wrote. Please critique me.

I noticed you first
Knew I would have you
Why him and not a week of
Unanchored passion
Why not
One amazing week of your life
My soul feels you
Your soul is healing
Or is it harmful
Though naive to it's touch
Or not quite as naive
As I thought
I thought you were nothing
But you are a conscounce
With morales and
Another person that isn't me

I know
You're leaving tomorow
And tomorow you'll be gone
I know
You're leaving tomorow
And I'll have to find a way
To carry on

[jester589]

I know
Life will be hard without you
But I know
You can't stay
I know
It'll be tough without you
But I gotta find a way
Find a way

I know
You're leaving tomorow
And tomorow you'll be gone
I know
You're leaving tomorow
And I'll have to find a way
To carry on

[amp7325]

As long as the music is good, it should be a good song. The lyrics by themselves are a little bit unoriginal, but that doesn't matter. Music has been around for so long that borrowing ideas is bound to happen. The lyrics are only part of a song, and if you play the music right, it will turn out very sad.

[jester589]

Thanks for the crit.
So you find it a little generic? Any suggestions on how i could improve?

[amp7325]

It focuses a lot on concepts. Try to add something physical. That might help.

[jester589]

Thanks a lot for the advice.

[groomits]

very cliche, why all love song sound the same? Try to make it your own way. At least a little different. At least 1000 songs I read here and I listened to was talking about the same thing, the same way.

[jester589]

bye bye birdie

[jester589]

asdfhsadfasdlfsd

[estel]

Hmmm. having listened to the song, it's quite catchy.
That said, the lyrics are nothing remarkable, the whole thing is a pretty generic emo song.
The fact that there is real emotion behind the song is good, but I still don't think the lyrics are really outstanding. It's not that they're bad, they just aren't excellent.

[jester589]

Thanks
I'll try to make the lyrics a little better but keep the music.

[The_One]

It's alright. Cliched a bit. You're too straightforward so you don't spend too much effort on making great imagery. Average song.

6/10