Continuum Of Inconsistancy

[i am the robots]

Cought in the continuum once again
Constantly in the cycle of inconsistancy
Each time as random as the next
My life changes with the pages of the text
The hate fades, but returns in quick vex

Break me open
See what turns inside
Tear me apart
Continue to rape my pride

Cought in the continuum once again
The constant cycle of stabs to the back
Each time more painful than the last
The seas and oceans of betrayel are vast
Into the shadows and haunting I am cast

Break me open
See what turns inside
Tear me apart
Continue to rape my pride

Feeling the hate as it rips down my spine
It fades away, but returns in but one stride
Feel that you raped me, you ****ed up my life
Your going to pay this time

***

I put this in the lyrical challenge, but I fixed it a little and I want some crittage.

[CodeMonkey]

sorry this isnt really gonna be a proper crit man, but im still a bit hung over from last night lol- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!
lol
anyways, i liked the song, will be looking out for some more from you dude, keep it up

[i am the robots]

thanks?

[shadowsfallon711]

alright mudhut buddy here we go
Cought in the continuum once again
Constantly in the cycle of inconsistancy
Each time as random as the next
My life changes with the pages of the text
The hate fades, but returns in quick vex
this is a good starter but i dont like that last line very much not too much youi can do to that though maybe rewrite

Break me open
See what turns inside
Tear me apart
Continue to rape my pride
maybe change see what turns inside to see the thoughts inside but i like the last line alot good chorus

Caught in the continuum once again
The constant cycle of stabs to the back
Each time more painful than the last
The seas and oceans of betrayel are vast
Into the shadows and haunting I am cast
dont like line 2 and i think i would change the last line to into the shadows i ran to fast overall pretty good if that rymescheme flows than thats cool i guess

Feeling the hate as it rips down my spine
It fades away, but returns in but one stride
Feel that you raped me, you ****ed up my life
Your going to pay this time
again if the rhyme flows its good i guess really like the first line and the third line is very powerful kind of a dull last line maybe change that but overall a good song

[i am the robots]

thank you for the crit.... I guess I don't suck horribly anymore, yay

[shadowsfallon711]

tommorows yesterday would be a helpful crit

[i am the robots]

I'm on it... some crit for Flame In The Ashes maybe?

[Straf]

It reminds me a great deal of "Bottled up Inside" - Korn:

They write:
"Feeling the haze as they cut down my spine
Pealing your flesh like the way you've cut mine
Do you feel happy, you ****ed up my mind
You’re going to pay this time"

You write:
"Feeling the hate as it rips down my spine
It fades away, but returns in but one stride
Feel that you raped me, you ****ed up my life
Your going to pay this time"


Also this line:

"Continue to rape my pride" is reminiscent of this line (also from Bottled up Inside): "You raped and stole my pride".


Not very cool.